Cancer Is Killing Me - I Will Never Give Up!

Cancer Strikes Again

2011-12-05T15:03:00.002-05:00

My beloved son-in-law lost his father to cancer early this morning. Art was diagnosed three years ago and has been battling valiantly. My heart is aching for his wife and children. Please remember them in your prayers. I know that if they are surrounded with love and prayers, they will make their way through all this. I send my love on wings of the butterfly up to Michigan.

Butterfly Release 2011

2011-04-11T22:11:00.005-04:00

Sunday, April 10th was the Avow Hospice Butterfly Release. I went to once again experience the profound wonder of the event. I can not say enough about how this helps my soul. This year, armed with my IPod, I got a few pictures of the beautiful butterflies before the tent opened and they soared skyward. Mark's spirit was all around me and I felt the love. I will always attend these, and encourage anyone who has experienced a loss to find the one in your area. Watching the butterflies reminds you of the beautiful moments you shared with your loved one, and how they have moved on and are circling, waiting on you. NEVER GIVE UP! I love you all!

Butterfly Release 2010

2010-03-21T13:19:00.002-04:00

Today was the Avow Hospice Butterfly Release. I honored Mark and the butterflies soared skyward. I wanted to share again something that was read. The people putting this event together have a gift at finding just the right things to show the feeling of the hearts attending:

I Am Always With You
by: Anonymous

When I am gone, release me, let me go
I have so many things to see and do,
You mustn't tie yourself to me with too may tears,
But be thankful we had so many good years.

I gave you my love, and you can only guess
How much you've given me happiness.
I thank you for the love that you have shown,
But now it is time I traveled on alone.

so grieve for me a while, if grieve you must
then let you grief be comforted by trust
That it is only for a while that we must part,
So treasure the memories within your heart.

won't be far away for life goes on.
And, if you need me, call and I will come.
though you can't see or touch me, I will be near
And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear

All my love around you soft and clear
And the, when you come this way alone,
I'll great you with a smile and a "Welcome Home."

Hospice uses the butterfly as a symbol of hope. The reading also included "A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam. And, for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to our world. but then it flies again and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel luck to have seen it."

I have been giving a lot of thought to something that was posted here some time ago. A gentleman found our blog and took the time to send a beautiful message to me about how strong Mark and I had love for each other, because he could see it in the words of the blog. He also said that my continuing to blog periodically would continue to have an impact, showing others that live does go on when their loved one leaves them.

He was right. It does. I am not going to lie and tell you that magically, you reach a point where the pain is wiped away. Frankly, I don't want the pain to go completely away. I wear my heartache as a badge of the commitment and honor I had to and for Mark. I am not by any means wallowing in grief - that would not be productive and Mark would be very angry at me for letting that happen. So, I go forward, try to make everyday count for something and someone left in my life, while honoring the memory of my darling best friend and husband. I want all who read this to know I am a whole woman with purpose in my life. I'm still young enough to make a difference to those around me and I intend to do so. I love you all - NEVER GIVE UP!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T00:23:00.002-05:00

My prayer for you is that you have a Merry Christmas and a blessed and proporous 2010. My love to all of you and my prayers that you are happy and healthy. My prayers for the greiving and those in pain. Lord, hear my prayer. Touch those whose needs are both great and small. Thank you, God, for my friends and loved ones. Amen.

Saturday Night

2009-12-12T22:47:00.002-05:00

I visited the blog today for the first time since I posted last. I was so touched to see the comments of all who visited. Jennifer, I did go to your blog and you have touched my heart. This week was so very hard for me. I feel enveloped in sadness. But, I understand the grieving process. I will be alright. It is okay to feel sad - I miss Mark so very much. But I also know it was the anniversary of the end of his pain and suffering and that is a good anniversary to remember. I love you all. Thanks you again and again for stopping by here. Please remember there is joy in this season, remembering God loves us all and gave us Christ as the first "Christmas present."

Three Days Until Thanksgiving

2009-11-22T23:14:00.002-05:00

This will be a very difficult time of the year for me. But, I have beautiful memories of Thanksgiving last year. Mark's cousin, Steve, and Lea, his beautiful wife, have become closer to me over the last year and they will be sharing this holiday with me. Steve's infamous collard greens were the only thing Mark was able to eat last year, but he loved them so much, he had to try. Nancy will be joining us and we have a scrumptious menu planned. Avow Hospice still sends me the most wonderful mailings and they have sent one that they encourage me to use for the up-coming holiday season. I plan to. I'm going to share it with you - anyone who has a loved one missing from their holiday table can honor the memory so beautifully with this:

Have four candles ready to light and if you can, have family or friends participate with you.

Start by saying: " As we light these candles in honor of our loved one, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories and one for our love.

Light the first candle and say "The light of this first candle represents our grief. The pain of our loss is intense, bu it reminds us of the depth of our love for ________ (your loved one).

Light the second candle and say "The light of this candle represents our courage to confront our sorrow; to comfort each other; to change our lives.

Light the third candle and say "This third candle is a light to all of our memories of ______. To the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things we did, the caring and joy _______ gave us.

Light the fourth candle and say "This fourth candle is the light of our love. As we enter this holiday season, day by day, we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for ___________. We give thanks for the gift his/her life brought to each of us. We will always love him/her.

This was written by Nancy Moeller, LSW, CADC.

There is not a day that passes that I don't either aloud or silently talk with Mark, and tell him how very much I miss him. The tears are as close to falling today as they were nearly a year ago. I have been angry with myself for not doing more to show him how wonderfully special he was to me; I have been sad beyond words at my loneliness without him. But, I am so grateful I had the opportunity to share nearly eight years of marriage with such a loving, kind man. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward; but there is no distance between me and this man I love.

Have a very Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. May your table be bountiful and your hearts full of joy and love.

Rebecca

Sunday Evening

2009-08-23T20:40:00.002-04:00

Hello there. Been a while but tonight seemed right. I'm staying busy and am actually going to take a vacation next week. I'm going to Michigan for six days to visit with my children. My great friend, "Aunt Nancy," has the doggie/kitty duty while I'm gone. She's such a good "mommie." She loves to groom them and spends a lot of time with them. She is able to understand the bond I have with them and them with me. Pepper, my German Shepard, has already figured out something is up. She will not leave my side. She watched me pack up a box of clothes (I FEDEX my stuff - don't trust the airline), and she has been cocking her head and looking intently at me ever since. What a keen intellect she has. My thoughts are with all of you . . .remember to NEVER GIVE UP! Mark's spirit watches over us all.

A Lazy Saturday Afternoon

2009-07-25T15:56:00.002-04:00

I haven't been here for quite a while. Not that much has changed or that life is keeping me any busier than before . . .I just haven't felt I had much to share. I have immersed myself in my work and in the ever-increasing task of taking care of four very needy dogs. It's not that I don't love them, but my goodness, they require a great deal of energy. All four of the poor darlings have been invaded by fleas and even doing everything I know how to do, I'm not winning the war yet. It means bathing somebody every day, sweeping even more than usual, and making special dietary changes in an effort to combat the darned little vermin. Today was Honey's turn at a bath. She's a older Golden. My friend, Nancy, and I (well, mostly Nancy) trimmed all her fur down very close. Poor baby - she looks like a lamb or worse, like "my first day at groomer's school." But, it does seem to help us get to the fleas better with the sprays and the shampoo. What I really need is for a few days of really cold temperatures . . that will kill the buggers. But, that's not going to happen for many months.

I haven't heard from Mark's family much lately, with the sweet exception of his cousin Steven and wife Lea, who I have grown very close to. I know Mark's mother was having an extremely difficult time with all that has happened and maybe it's easier for her to distance herself. I want what's best for her. I am still trying to adjust to being alone. It's hard. I really miss my best friend, my tv buddy and my movie/music critic. It's hard to watch a movie and not think how much Mark would laugh at my crying in the sad/sweet parts; or to watch one that I just know he would have loved! Same with music. I bought the newly released 40th anniversary edition of Woodstock. I so wish I could share that with him. That was a defining moment in his life. Well, all that said, I'll watch it and enjoy it and remember that beautiful smile and twinkling eyes. It will be all right. NEVER GIVE UP!

Sunday Evening

2009-05-31T21:15:00.002-04:00

Today, I stepped back a little bit into life by doing something I loved and Mark was proud of me for doing. I used to cater and had a little home-based business where I cooked dinner for a small group at the host's home, preparing, serving and cleaning up afterwards. I absolutely love to cook and Mark was my best recipe taste tester. Tonight I made dinner for my friends who have been so very supportive of me in the last few months, as a way to say thank you, but more importantly to say I love you. I made them citrus/honey marinated pork roast with blueberry chipolte sauce, lemon pepper orzo, citrus/sesame grilled asparagus, and toasted pound cake with chocolate sauce and strawberries. I had a wonderful time doing it and it felt good to do something so good for people I care about. Every little step helps. Love to you all!

A Time to Remember

2009-05-16T15:20:00.004-04:00

On May 11th, I attended a service that Hospice holds once a year called A Time To Remember. I thought I'd share with you all one of the readings from that service that meant a great deal to me:
We Light These Candles

by Nancy Moeller, LSE, CADC

We light these candles for our sadness.

The pain of losing you is intense and

the grief we feel is often hard to handle.

We want you to know

that we miss you so much.

We light these candles for our memories.

There is so much we remember:

your smile, your laugh -

the good time and the bad ones, too,

when we were angry and we were happy -

all those times that

never could have lived with

anyone but you.

We light these candles

for our determination.

Knowing you has brought us strength.

We are changed because of you.

Your life has made a

difference in our lives.

We want you to know that we will

take the energy of your living

to help us move on forward

in our own lives.

We light these candles for our love.

The specialness that we shared with you

can never be replaced.

Our love for you will shine

as brightly as these candles.

We will pass that love on to others

and as we do,

our hearts will smile because of you.

We want you to know

we will always love you.

Rebecca

A Quiet Friday Night

2009-05-01T21:11:00.003-04:00

It's been a long time since I came here to write. I felt the need tonight. I am so sad of late. I have so many people I could talk to about it, so many friends who would listen and understand. But, I just can't seem to do that. It's easier for me to come here. The quiet of the house seems to surround me more and more every day. I sit at night and just listen. I don't know exactly what I'm listening for, but I know I feel the tears and hear my broken heart beating. I miss Mark so much. I know that time will heal me, but right now, I feel wounded. I guess I just needed to write that down. I also know I'll be ok - I am a strong person. I just don't feel really strong right now. Hello to all who might read this - my prayers still include all the people who visited here and who have suffering of their own. Don't forget to NEVER GIVE UP!

Monday Evening

2009-03-23T17:58:00.002-04:00

Hi all. I wanted to share yesterday's butterfly release service with you. I was joined by 12 of Mark's friends and family at the beautiful service in Cambier Park, Naples, Florida. There were a couple hundred people there for the service. There was beautiful music and readings. The names of many, many victims of cancer were read in remembrance. Then, we all turned and watched as the walls of the butterfly tent were raised and the graceful creatures fluttered around and away. I was fortunate enough to have one land on my arm and, even when I encouraged it to go on, it stayed a while. I will share with each of you the blessing read at the conclusion of the service: May the wings of the butterfly kiss the sun
and find your shoulder to light on,
To bring you luck, happiness and riches
Today, tomorrow and beyond.

Following the formal service, my friends and I gathered in a quiet corner and Mark's cousin Steven recited the Jewish mourners' prayer, Kaddish, for us. Mark had asked that be done and this was perfect occasion. I think everyone left with a sense of peace. I know I did. My love to each of you.

Friday Night

2009-03-06T22:03:00.002-05:00

I'm not too sure if anybody stops by here anymore, but I'm posting this for anyone who does and more importantly, to unburden my heart. I received word tonight that Mark's father passed away this morning. Alan Plotkin turned 93 years old last Saturday. He lived a long, full and amazing life. He was a loving husband and father to three children. He has grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Mark told me many stories of his incredible skills as a carpenter. He was a life-long Yankees fan and never missed a game. While his family will miss him so very much, I know they are all celebrating the wonderful life they shared with him for 93 years. My thoughts are with Mark's mother and siblings tonight.

This week was tremendously hard for me. Of all the holidays I won't share with my husband again, Wednesday was the day when I felt the loneliness of his being gone the most and I think it will always be the day when I miss him most. Wednesday was our 8th wedding anniversary. I married my best friend eight years ago and I am grateful for every day of those eight years. Well, lets be honest here - there were some days when I just wanted to pop him, but all in all, I wouldn't trade even those days for my considerable weight in gold. What most of you don't know is that Mark had asked me back in October if we could renew our wedding vows on our anniversary this year. He wanted to share with our friends the joy of that day eight years ago and to renew our public acclamation of affection for each other. I have solace in the knowledge that in fact, we renewed our vows every day we were together. Every night, our last words were "I love you." Yes, Mark, I will marry you again. I love you with all my heart.

Sunday Night

2009-02-15T22:47:00.002-05:00

Hi to all - thought I would give you an up-date of what's been happening around here. Don't get excited - nothing spectacular. I think making it from day to day is a pretty big accomplishment. I didn't get to go to the town hall meeting. My dear friend, Jill, did and she was so very impressed. She said it did not really matter what your politics are, you can't help but be uplifted and encouraged by President Obama. He appeared to her to be genuine, gracious, and even if he makes mistakes (don't they all), he is dedicated to making it better for us.

I spent yesterday with Becca. We had a lovely time. I'm afraid I have created a monster. She fell in love with pedicures and she told me she intends to ask her mom to take her when she returns home. Sorry, Monica! She will be coming back here in April, and I already have plans for getting another for her and one for me. We also went shopping. Didn't buy anything but we had fun trying stuff on and laughing at the silly looking stuff. Trust me, there was a lot!

On March 22, here in Naples, there is an event sponsored by Avow Hospice. It is their 5th annual butterfly release. I will be taking part and will be asking that they include Mark in their memorial service. It seems to me to be a wonderful way to honor his memory and to share his story with the other attendees. I understand this may be a nation-wide hospice event. If you have a hospice in your area, I encourage you all to see if they will be doing something similar. If you can go, you can say a silent prayer for Mark and all the others whose lives are being remembered. I am having several of our friends go with me and we will use this as our own, private memorial. It is also a chance for all to sponsor hospice's wonderful works by making donations. I think there is even a ball the night before, as a fund raiser. I won't be attending that - my glass slippers are a little dirty.

I love you all and hope this finds you all doing well. I appreciate finding your little notes on here. Nothing new on the book front - I just checked with the software people and they still don't have the bugs worked out of the program yet. I'll keep you up-dated. In the meantime - NEVER GIVE UP!

Sunday Morning

2009-02-08T10:34:00.002-05:00

Been a while since I've been here - to post, anyway. I still come by frequently to read some old posts, smile, tear up and leave with a warm feeling. I thought I'd up-date you guys on some developments around here. Mark would have been so excited. President Obama is coming to Fort Myers (about 1/2 hour away) on Tuesday to do a townhall meeting. I'm going to try really hard to go, but I don't know if I can get the time off. We had such high hopes for this administration and it was very important to Mark that he vote this year. We turned into political cable tv junkies and we watched non-stop pre-election coverage. The health care platform of Obama was very important to us. We rejoiced at his election, but fully understood that just getting elected wasn't going to be enough. I still have high hopes for meaningful healthcare reform. I would love to go to the meeting, as my own silent tribute to Mark and to show that I support the chance for change.

Have my beautiful granddaughter here for a visit. She and her dad are camping this weekend, but next weekend, she and I will be having a "day of beauty." I have a hair appointment booked, and then Becca and I will be going for pedicures and manicures. After that, perhaps a late lunch and a little shopping. We should have such a good time.

I hope this finds all of you well and surviving this brutal winter. We've had the coldest four weeks I can ever remember down here. It was below freezing twice (disaster for the local orange, tomato and strawberry farmers). My doggies were shivering! Not to mention me!

My love to all of you - stay warm, be safe and remember to NEVER GIVE UP!

Mark's Birthday

2009-01-21T23:14:00.003-05:00

Today, January 21st, is Mark's birthday. Today, he would be 61. Man, he really hated getting older. I think he wore his "old hippie" days as his badge, and it made him feel really old when they talked about how long ago Woodstock was. But, the lucky devil had very little gray hair. When I would point that out, he would do the imaginary surfer-dude head wave and "swish" back his hair. He could always make me laugh.

I spoke last night with his mother. She is weathering this with quite a bit of grace. At the same time Mark was being taken to Hospice that last week, Mark's father was taken to the hospital and given a very small chance to survive more than a few days. His dad is 93. His mom is 83. Dad has rebounded, and is now resting comfortably in the hospital's on-site nursing facility. All of this has really been an ordeal for his mother. She has not been alone for the sixty years of her marriage. She is now all alone in her little house, snowed and iced in. But she is resilient and optimistic. She knows that his dad won't be coming home, but she's also thankful for the care he is receiving that she was no longer able to give him by herself.

She told me last night that today, Mark's birthday, she was not going allow herself to think of his being gone. She was going to celebrate the sixty years she had her son. That helped me today, because I too celebrated. I am grateful I had eight years with Mark. We had some tough times, but he made a determined effort to always make sure I laughed. He was a huge softie and "leaked" at the chick flicks we watched together, but denied it loudly if I pointed it out. He was a huge teddy bear. He'd be furious if he knew I was telling you this. He never wanted anyone to know that under his gruff exterior, there was gold and marshmallows. I am a lucky woman to have found and had the love of this man. I wanted to share my birthday memories with all of you.

The book idea will be slow going. The website I am using is experiencing some problems transferring the materials over, but they tell their users they are working on the problem and that a patch will be available soon to make the transition much easier. It is giving me time to work on scanning and adding some pictures so that when the book is made, it will have more and more memories. I'll keep you all posted! Good night all - My love to each of you!

Saturday Afternoon

2009-01-17T12:02:00.002-05:00

I wanted to let all of you who still wander by that I have made plans for Mark's blog. With the help of a couple of computer-savvy people, I will be turning this blog and the subsquent comments into a book. Once I've got that accomplished, I am going to close down the blog. I want to remember each and every post and comment, and I want to honor all of you who came diligently during Mark's struggle. I don't know yet if I will start my own post. I suspect it would be theraputic, but I haven't made that decision yet. To each and every one of you, my thanks for all you have done during the nine months Mark blogged, and for the love and support you have shown me since his passing. The blog will be up for a little while longer. I'll let you know when I've accomplished the book and when I'll take down the blog. I remind all of you to visit the blogs of each other and to check once in a while on www.loriannbecker.com. You are all special people in my life.

Sunday Night

2009-01-11T19:34:00.002-05:00

Hi all - I wanted to thank you all for stopping by. It does my heart good to see your messages of encouragement. I got the chance to go over to North Miami this weekend and I stayed the night with Mark's cousin and his wife. We had a wonderful relaxing day today. We visited the Viscaya Museum. The gardens are beautiful and the weather was perfect for a day outdoors. My condolences to all of you suffering with snow, ice, wind and freezing temperatures. It was 82 today and magnificent. I am holding up well, and the chance to go over there and be with Mark's family was great. My love to you all . . . R

Tuesday Night

2009-01-06T19:07:00.001-05:00

Tonight I got the pleasure and priviledge of honoring one of Mark's last wishes. When December came around, he and I discussed how much we could afford to set aside for Christmas gifts and who would be on our very short list for gifts. He got a very sweet look and asked, if it were at all possible, we could include the three ladies from Hospice who gave him so much tender, loving care. I told him we would make sure we did. I was able tonight to write each of them a heartfelt thank you and to send along a little something he had decided would be appropriate. He wanted to get each a card for a tank of gas. He said that would let them know he loved them, and would let them keep going out to the homes of the people who suffered as he suffered, to minister to them with the love they had given him. He was a special person, and though one of his favorite things to say was "I know nobody loves me," he was so very wrong. To Marie, Josie and Lori, I can't thank you enough. You are the angels everybody says that walk among us.

Sunday Afternoon

2009-01-04T15:58:00.002-05:00

I didn't realize this would be so hard - the clothes have gone to a good home. I was very emotional, watching them go down the driveway. I know I did the right thing, but it really hurts.
Thanks for the kind words about my decision. I value all your support.

Saturday Evening

2009-01-03T18:16:00.002-05:00

Hello to you all. Today, I took a big step toward healing. With the help of friend Nancy, I went through all of Mark's clothes. If you have read the posts from the beginning, you know that when diagnosed, he weighed 380 lbs. At his last doctor visit, he weighed in at 212. He had lots of things all the way from 6x to XL. We sorted through everything and made up bags of the various sizes. I have listed them on my local Freecycle site, and will be giving them to someone in need. Mark's life before me included a period of time when he was very down and out, and to have had someone give him new and nearly new clothes because they cared would have been a blessing. I am very certain he would totally approve of my gifting them to someone in a similar situation. I have already had two people ask for them. One unemployed man who needs clothes for job interviews and one gentleman who lost everything in a Christmas-day fire. So, all of the things will be gratefully accepted and used. It was hard to box up the clothes I was so used to lovingly washing and hanging in the closet, but I know this is the right thing to do.

I am taking Nancy out for dinner tonight to thank her for all her selfless sacrifice of caring for the dogs and kitty while I was gone to Utah, and for helping me through some of the rough patches. I hope all of you have friends so kind and gracious. My love to you all !

Very Early Tuesday Morning

2008-12-30T00:48:00.003-05:00

Whew! I am home. Flying standby at Christmas is an adventure! It took two and one-half days to make it to Salt Lake City. We landed Christmas morning at about 8:30 a.m. (their time) and it began to snow as soon as we got in the car. It then snowed 24 inches! Everybody thought I was nuts because I kept going out on the porch and standing in the blizzard, watching the beautiful snow flakes. It felt amazing. Going there was the absolute right thing to do. We left there this morning about 6:00 a.m., and after waiting all day in the Atlanta airport, were able to get on the last flight on the night back home. So, I am here - my dogs are so very happy. I must say they were very lovingly cared for in my absence by "Aunt Nancy." But I am getting an awful lot of slobbery kisses.

I thought about all of you on Christmas, when I had some quiet time. I spent some time by myself, looking out of the window at the majestic snow-covered mountains and felt God closer than ever. I had a long talk with him. I thanked him for all of you and I thanked him for the wonderful years I had with Mark.

It was very difficult to walk back in here tonight, not having that beautiful smiling face to greet me. I know in my heart that he went with me to Utah, though, so I am at peace.

My love to all of you. May 2009 be a good year for all of you. You remain in my heart everyday!

Friday Night

2008-12-19T21:07:00.002-05:00

I am having a very rough night. My emotions have spilled over and I can't seem to stop crying. Friday nights were our special night of the week. I always got a call about 3:00 p.m., so we could decide what special thing I would bring home for dinner. Even when Mark was only doing Boost, we planned Friday nights and he would at least try to eat something. Tonight, I dragged myself home and just sat in the chair. I know I could pick up the phone and call a lot of different people. They would be here in a flash. But, I just can't do that. I am not sure how to handle this profound sense of loss tonight. It's therapeutic for me just to write this down and go back and read it. I know you will all understand. Mark was my best friend. We understood each other very well, and he always knew just what to say. He'd make his "little boy" face, make me smile and give me a hug. I miss him. I am having a great deal of trouble envisioning all the Friday nights to come. I know I'll learn to handle it, but right now, I am overwhelmed. My poor doggies aren't quite sure what to do. I have had many dog kisses tonight. They are trying to console me. So, I'm gonna give them all a special hug and a couple of extra cookies. They make me smile through the tears. Sorry if I am rambling, but working through this in this way will help me. My love to you all - tomorrow will be better. I am going to shop for a few warm clothes - I am going to Utah to see my granddaughter for Christmas. My gift from my sons and Becca is the trip to be with her. I'll let you all know how this almost Florida native does in the frigid weather. Hugs!

All My Thanks!

2008-12-17T23:15:00.002-05:00

All of the warm wishes and condolences are so truly appreciated. I have decided that I will continue to blog for a while here, to let everybody know how very much I appreciate you. I have passed all of your messages on to Mark's family, and they too want to thank you for your support of me and all the love and support you gave to Mark. I wish there was a magical way to have all of you in a room somewhere, so I could meet you and give you all the hugs I have for you. Since that's not possible, these virtual hugs are headed your way. Again, each message makes my spirit soar. You are wonderful people. To each of you fighting your own personal battles, I pass along Mark's message: NEVER (EVER) GIVE UP! Rebecca

In Memory of Mark

2008-12-09T14:06:00.004-05:00

Mark lost his fight this morning at 6:00 a.m. I wanted all of you to see just how happy he was on Saturday and how much his brother's visit meant to him. His twinkling eyes and beautiful smile will be among the fondest memories I have. I wanted all of you, his cyber family, to know how much you all meant to him. He loved posting and he loved reading all your comments.

Let me rest in the arms of slumber, for my open eyes are tired; Let the silver-stringed lyre quiver and soothe my spirit; Weave from the harp and lute a veil around my withering heart.

Dry your tears, my friends, and raise your heads as the flowers raise their crowns to greet the dawn. Look at the bride of death standing like a column of light etween my bed and the infinite; Hold your breath and listen with me to the beckoning rustle of Her white wings.

The songs of the waves and the hymns of the streamsAre scattered, and the voices of the throngs reduced to silence;And I can hear naught but the music of eternityiIn exact harmony with the spirit's desires.I am cloaked in full whiteness;I am in comfort; I am in peace.
By: Kahlil Gibran

He slipped into sleep and his pain is gone. For that, I am grateful. I love him with all my heart and I will miss him so.

My love to all of you,

Rebecca

Monday Night

2008-12-08T20:40:00.002-05:00

I am back home for a while, after spending the day at Mark's bedside. He is fighting as hard as he can, but his body is beginning to shut down. He is still running a very high temperature, and he has not been conscious since we to0k him there yesterday. He is resting comfortably, and the wonderful nurses and doctors at hospice have assured me that I have done the right thing. He feels no pain. I am taking care of our doggies and kitty. I am going to try to sleep a little, but will be leaving here to go back to his side. I love him so, and I want him to know I am with him. I have talked to him all day, stroked his face and held his hand. I know he is at peace. I will up-date you tomorrow sometime. Our love to all of you!

Monday Morning

2008-12-08T08:54:00.002-05:00

Late yesterday afternoon, Mark had to be transported back to hospice. He is slipping in and out of consciousness and at one point yesterday, really didn't know who any of us were. He is running a high fever and when awake, is highly agitated and restless. The visiting nurse thought this was best, especially since every time he woke, he wanted to try to get up and walk. I simply could not handle him physically. Even with his brother and cousin, it was all we could do to help him sit up and then, he would go out again and we'd lay him back on the bed.

I will keep posting with whatever news I get. I'm on my way there and I plan to spend most of the day. Please kick the prayers into high gear. I am putting this in God's hands.

I love you all.

Rebecca

Saturday Night

2008-12-06T21:06:00.003-05:00

Today was a good day. Mark , Jerry (his brother) and Joann (Jerry's wife) had a wonderful visit. While I tended to things in the kitchen, I heard them remembering and laughing. It did my heart good to hear that. Mark is very weak and very unstable, but the 24-hour nursing has been pulled, as he is no longer considered to be "in crisis." So it's just us - our little family of four dogs, one cat and two humans. Mark's regular assigned nurse, Marie, has told me that he now can not be left alone. I am in a very bad dilemma. I can not afford to leave my job to stay home with him and I just don't know what to do. He understands the need, but is fiercely independent and still reluctant to take any precautionary steps other than a now more frequent use of the wheelchair. Everyone's greatest fear is continued falls, because while he hasn't been seriously injured so far, we certainly have no guarantees about any future falls. I'm going to contact his social worker, Josie, to see if she has any suggestions. She is the one I turn to for resources.

We also had a lovely visit from my son James and his friend, Nicole. They brought down food they had prepared for me, knowing we had company this weekend. What thoughtful, loving children! James didn't feel too well. He thinks he may have had some undercooked food at dinner last night and he felt nauseous, but he came anyway.

Tomorrow, Jerry and Joann will be back and we will be joined by Steve (Mark's cousin who was here for Thanksgiving) and his beautiful wife. It will be another wonderful day I am sure. I am going to prepare dinner for everybody. I have planned a pot roast with carrots, potatoes and mushrooms, and the baked ziti that James and Nicole brought. We'll all gain about 10 pounds!

We send our love out to our growing cyber family. How wonderful to see each and every one of you. I'll keep you posted and Mark will contribute as he has the strength. NEVER GIVE UP!

2008-12-05T08:26:00.003-05:00

A friend on line sent me this video.
I hope all you old farts enjoy it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvH6fxP5hMo
Paul McCartney
Phil Collins
Ringo
Eric Clapton
Bob Dylan
George Harrison Son
among others...

I took another fall last after noon. My blood pressure went down to 80/50. Now I have a nurse with me 24/7. She watches me like a hawk.
My brother will be here on the 6th. (Saturday.) I'm looking forward to that!
Now you are all up to date.

TO JEN: Thank you for so many new friends! You are unbelievable!
Peace and Love to all..... Mark

Thursday Night Up-date

2008-12-04T20:00:00.002-05:00

God is good. Mark is actually sitting up, watching tv with his nurse right now. The concensus of opinion is that he had some swelling in the area of the tumor that was causing the problems this morning, and the swelling has gone down. He walked (with help) into the bathroom and then ran us out. He isn't interested in eating but did have a couple of Boosts. So, unless something changes again, the nurses will only stay for 24 hours and then they will decided if they are still needed. Thanks for the prayers!!!!!

Thursday Evening

2008-12-04T17:22:00.003-05:00

Today has been a very long, difficult day. We have had to bring in the Hospice Crisis Care Unit. Mark is deteriorating and is now primarily bedfast. This happened very quickly. He had a fall again last night (at about 3:00 a.m) but was able to get himself up and into the bed. He is not able to do that now. He has a lot of pain in his back and hips. We are not completely certain he didn't damage something, but he does not want to go back to the hospice facility. I had no choice but to call in the 24-hour help, as I can't help him by myself. He is unable to sit up unassisted, or to drink, take his meds or much of anything else. He has rested relatively comfortably today, but is heavily medicated. We are going to watch over the next couple of days for signs of improvement. Please pray with me that he improves. The nurses are wonderful, patient and kind. We are doing everything we can. I love you all and Mark sends his love too! PLEASE, NEVER GIVE UP!

Tuesday Evening

2008-12-02T18:25:00.002-05:00

You may have noticed no posts from Mark for a couple of days. The excitement and joy of Thanksgiving wore him out. He has been very weak and tired for the past few days. Unfortunately, he has fallen twice and while nothing is broken, it's still taking a toll on him. He is conserving his strength for this weekend's visit with his brother. Each little goal to us is a huge goal to him. I applaud each day as a victory. I'm sure he'll be back here tomorrow or Thursday with his own up-date, but I wanted to fill everybody in. Keep remembering us in your prayers. We love you all!

2008-11-30T22:49:00.002-05:00

Part 1 of MTV Jam. Hope you like it. My brother is on Organ and Piano.

Mark

2008-11-30T22:37:00.002-05:00

Part 2. This was a jam session for MTV at my brothers New York production studios "Headroom".

Mark

Sunday

2008-11-30T09:36:00.002-05:00

Morning all. Well, I have to admit, Bama' kicked butt last night! Auburn looked like a bunch of High School kids running around around out there.
We expect heavy rain today. Matter of fact it's pouring now. We need it.
Rebecca is still sleeping (10am.) I'm watching Sportscenter getting ready for the NFL. (Rams/Dolphins & Denver/Jets.)
All the leftovers are gone. The dogs made sure of that! I'm still full with turkey and ham!
A special note to Nancy: your Cinnamon Ice Cream was outrageously good! Thanks for finishing off a perfect meal!
Time for breakfast. Something light. Bagel and Cream Cheese sounds OK.
My love to all and many hugs! Have a wonderful and blessed Sunday.
Peace and Love
Mark

Saturday

2008-11-29T10:58:00.002-05:00

Hi all! Welcome home James! Hope you had a great trip! Glad to hear you brought home sand.... Lord knows we don't have enough in Florida!
Carol: My E-mail address is my Birthday. Mark CP 1/21/48. I'll be an old fart of 61 soon. I'm all ready yelling at kids to get off my lawn! : ) Don't worry about about not liking Jimmy Buffett. He's and acquired taste, like brussel sprouts.
My neighbor received 6 months probation for growing his herb in his backyard shed. I guess it was a good thing one of his "clients" was the Judges son. There is an old Floridian saying down here: "come on vacation, leave on probation."
Nothing else really to report. I'm going out and walk my dogs then watch football.
Big hugs to all! May the light of the Lord shine on you all day!
Peace and Love
Mark & Rebecca

Friday

2008-11-28T06:54:00.003-05:00

Morning all. We had a great day yesterday, hope everyone did.
So my cousin and I got into this music decision. Sure, we all have favorite songs that we won't admit to. But when we are alone in the car or home, we crank it up to ten and rock out. These are my 10 songs, NOT albums. No right or wrong. I guess you can see I'm bored today:
Bye Bye Miss American Pie ... Don McClain
A Pirate Looks At 40 ... Jimmy Buffett
A Day In The Life .... Beatles
Moondance .... Van Morrison
The Boxer .... Simon and Garfunkel
Maybe I'm Amazed ... McCartney
In My Life ... Beatles
Symphony For The Devil .... Stones
Maggie's Farm .... Dylan
Street Fighting Man .... Stones

I guess I'm stuck in the 60's and 70's. Burger/French Fries with Gravy. Chocolate Malts, Grilled Cheese with Bacon. Real Southern Fried Chicken.
Hoping all have a great and blessed day!
Peace and Love
Mark

Turkey Day #2

2008-11-27T18:49:00.003-05:00

7:00 PM and still going strong. Picking at the ham bone and getting ready for the Apple Pie. My belt is loose, a Jimmy Buffett CD is playing, and everybody is smiling. The food was great!
Carol: I stopped by your Blog and I am flattered. Thank you so very much for the kind words. I hope one day we could all meet. That would be a great hug-fest.
Peace and a full stomach to all!
Mark & Rebecca

Turkey Day

2008-11-27T08:05:00.002-05:00

Morning all! Happy Thanksgiving! May the lord watch over you and give us all peace and happiness. Especially"the forgotten"; those under bridges and living in cardboard boxes.
So, I wake up, take a shower and immediately fall right on my butt and head! It was a pretty bad fall and had to talk Rebecca out of calling the Ambulance.I'm not going to miss this Thanksgiving for nothing! I have a piece of Dutch Apple Pie with my name on it! : ) Nancy is making some home made Cinnamon Ice Cream which will go great with the pie.
To James and Kevin in Madrid: have a great time today!
To Jen: Scarlet seems to be a fun person. Any friend of of yours is a friend of mine. She has an open invitation to visit.
Well, that's about it from this side of the lake. You are all in my prayers and thoughts.
Peace and Love to all
Mark & Rebecca

Wednesday

2008-11-26T08:57:00.002-05:00

Morning all! Running around the house today getting ready for tomorrow. I prey the pain stays away. I want a good day for all. We got everything from the Turkey and Ham to the Mashed Potatoes and Pumpkin Pie.
Wishing everyone a wonderful and blessed day. ENJOY!
Peace and Love to all
Mark

Now It's Tuesday!

2008-11-25T05:41:00.002-05:00

A new blogger from Miami! I lived there for 15 years. North Miami Beach (Eastern Shores) by the the 163 St. Bridge. My cousin lives in Surf side. I moved to Naples because Miami was becoming too crowded. Like New York City with Palm Trees. I must admit, I do miss the Rascal House on 183 & Collins. A great Deli.
Today I'm taking it easy. Put on a movie or listen to some music. Just mellow.
To all my friends out there, have a blessed day with much Love and Hugs from Rebecca and myself. We love you all dearly.
Mark

Tuesday Morning ????

2008-11-24T20:53:00.003-05:00

Rebecca is looking over my shoulder and just told me it was Monday Night, not Tuesday Morning. I wonered why it was so dark outside.
We had no Internet today. They were "upgrading", which in Florida, a drunk hit a utility pole and blocked out half the city. More tomorrow.
Peace and Love to all Mark

Sunday Evening

2008-11-23T19:41:00.002-05:00

Rebecca here - been a while since I have been here - very wonderful to say that. It is so wonderful that Mark is feeling so much better that I can just sit back and watch. I want all of you to know something. I believe in the power of prayer. I truly believe that all of the prayers all of you have been sending heavenward on Mark's behalf have reached God's ears. I wish you could see the difference. In his physical appearance and his emotional state. Like I have said before, all things happen for a reason. That horrific Friday morning has allowed the right medical changes to be made and now, I have so much more of my beloved husband back. Actually, he's annoying with all the energy he has. He's been scurrying around, cleaning out drawers, moving his office stuff around, fiddling with the electronics in here, installing new computer stuff - - - he exhausts me. The only thing I do is encourage him not to overdo - but, the fact that he isn't just sitting in the bedroom, staring at the tv is miraculous. Thank all of you again. You are our little cyber family and we love you.

2008-11-23T08:05:00.004-05:00

Good Morning all! What a beautiful day! The nights are cool and the days warm and sunny. Rebecca came back from the beauty parlour looking as beautiful as ever. We had the pleasure of Nancy stopping over last night to say hello. Always nice to see her. I have no idea what to do today. I found my original 1969 Woodstock poster laying around in my garage. I thought after 2 years, I would hang it up along with some other 60's memorabilia.

Sorry about about the Bulldogs Jen.Today, mostly football and reading the New York Times. Rebecca loves the book reviews. I'm in the mood for some coffee and a cheese omelet. Have a blessed day everyone. You're all in my prayers. Peace and love Mark

Saturday

2008-11-22T12:53:00.004-05:00

Wow, slept until 1 PM. That's pretty late for me. Rebecca is gone. Hair day I believe. I try to encourage her to get out as much as possible. It's hard for me to get in and out of the car, etc. I just want her to enjoy her time off more.
My bucket list is dwindling down. One left. I'm trying to meet Jimmy Buffett. You would think it would be easy being in his "backyard", but the man is a ghost. So, if any of you have any ideas, feel free to chime in!
Nothing really new to report. Same ol' same ol'. My eyesight (left) is giving me trouble, but I cope with it the best I can. Going to go watch my football games and relax. I hope you all have a blessed day and keep the lord in your heart.
Peace and Love to all!
Mark

TGIF

2008-11-21T06:02:00.002-05:00

Yawn! On my first cup of coffee.
To Kaylee: There is an old saying: "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I know how very hard it is to do and easy to say. Try and fill your time with positive things. Some days it works, some not, but the idea is a secure one. There is nothing in the Bible or Constitution that guarantees (that I can find) that gives us any promise of happiness. We can pursue it, but there are no guarantees.That is our own responsibility to ourselves.
There are days I just want to sit in a corner in my closet and let the darkness of the room take over. It proves nothing and takes away precious time you have left.
Every morning (with my coffee #1) I turn to my wife's Bible. I just turn to a page at random and read. Today it was Isaiah 1:18. "...though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow..."I'm always here if you need to talk. You are never alone. All my dear writing buddies are here as I'm as sure The Lord is with us all.
Keep positive, keep your head up high and walk proud that you're in the hands of the lord.
Enough preaching. Time to feed my dogs and go for coffee #2.
May you all have a blessed day.
Peace and Love
Mark

Thursday

2008-11-20T09:11:00.002-05:00

Good morning to all. Thank you for all the kind words concerning my video. I'll try again when I get up the nerve. No, I have no "twang" in my voice, after 30 + years on and off in the South. I grew up in Upstate New York (Monticello) and there was a mix of New York, Boston and a sprinkle of Vermont.
I could not have made the video without the encouragement of ALL OF YOU! Knowing I have a responsibility of something, anything to get my skinny butt out of bed and do something positive! No matter how small it seems to others. I love you all.
My nurse will be here in one hour, so I guess I'll go clean up and make myself presentable. I am wishing you all a wonderful, blessed day.
Peace and Love to all
Mark p.s: Rebecca send her love Love and many hugs!

Wednesday Morning

2008-11-19T09:22:00.003-05:00

Good morning! I'm still on my first cup of coffee, so please bear with me.
Yesterday was a stress free day with little pain.I hope today will be the same. The Mophine pump seems to be working fine and gives me the boost I need when the pain becomes a bit too strong.
I have tried to make a video today. I hope it works, please let me know! Well, it time to feed the dogs. Have a blessed day and Never give Up! Peace and Love to all! Mark

Tuesday

2008-11-18T07:45:00.002-05:00

Good morning all! My trusted dogs decided that it was way past my bedtime and woke me with slobbering kisses. It sounds like a beautiful thing, but it is just a gimmick to get me out of a warm bed so they can cover up and sleep better.
I have decided to swear off news for a while. Between the elections and hours upon hours of rhetoric, it just makes me sicker. I think I'll put on some music and go to the far side of the Moon.
Hoping all have a blessed day. You are all in my prayers and deep thoughts. I could not have done this without all of you. I wish you could feel my Love and Joy for each and everyone one of you!
Peace and Love to all
Mark

Monday again.....

2008-11-17T13:29:00.001-05:00

I wanted to share with all of you a very special person in my life.

http://www.loriannbecker.com/index.html

I hope you get to know her.
Mark

Monday Afternon

2008-11-17T12:24:00.004-05:00

Hello everyone! Well, I'm back for Hospice and feel pretty good right now. They changed my meds to Prozac, Librium, Oxycontin and a Morphine drip of 20 mg. every 3 hours by the port in my chest. Need a "boost?" hit a button.
TO JEN: You are an amazing woman! Even if you're a Bama" girl! Florida/Bama should be a heck of a fine game! Who ever wins, I'll be happy knowing you and I are enjoying something "together." It will be a nice "link" to you. Like a warm blanet on a cold night! If Bama wins, feel free to call me and rub it in! HA!
Rebecca brought me all the blogs printed out and I was floored by all the beautiful, positive emotions coming off each page. The timing could not have been better. I cried for hours (a good cry.) My Chaplin friend Lori Becker keeps telling me I have "Angels in my corner." After reading these blogs, I must agree with her. I wish I could express my feelings better. A BIG hug to each and everyone of you! You have become very important and special in my life.
I am going to lie down for awhile and catch up on my sleep.
Thank you. Thank you all for your Love and prayers.
Peace be with you all. Have a blessed day
Mark

Sunday Evening

2008-11-16T18:18:00.002-05:00

A good day. That's how I'll start this evening. Mark is doing much better. He is weak but he is fighting. He thinks he's coming home tomorrow. They gave me instruction this afternoon on how to monitor his medication pump. The nurse will start coming every other day to fill the pump and to check on him. I took Dixie to see him today. That made him happy. Then I took her to the doggie wash - not as pleasant an experience as was with Pepper. She usually loves water but fought me today. I was soaked, she was soaked - a good time was had by all! Ha Ha!
Thank you everybody for continuing to be there for us. We love you all!

2008-11-15T21:53:00.002-05:00

Hi Everybody! Today has been a good one. Mark is coming around nicely. He is astounded and touched by all the postings. I printed them out for him and he said for me to thank everybody, with a special thanks to Jen. He said to tell you that the response to his blog by all your friends has made his jaw drop! Thank you all -thank you all! I want to give great thanks to Nancy, who came over this evening and Rumba'd and Scoba'd our bedroom in anticipation of Mark's return. Those machines are unbelievable! She's a jewel of a friend. Oh, and she went with me to take Pepper, the german shepard, to the pet wash. That was an experience. Pepper is beautiful now and we've got three more to go. All of you have a great rest of the week end and I'll keep you up-dated. Mark is probably going to be there through Monday, but may come home sooner if he continues to progress well. He will come home with the morphine pump, as it seems to be working very well. His doctor is watching closely and is pleased so far. So then are we. Our love to you all! NEVER GIVE UP!

Friday Evening

2008-11-14T20:11:00.002-05:00

Where to begin - today was a scary, emotional rollercoaster. When I went in to check on Mark this morning, he told me that "he couldn't feel his face." He said he had lost all sensation around his left eye and his nose. I asked him to let me stay home with him, but he insisted he'd be ok until I got home. Around 10:30, he called me, crying, that the pain was excruciating and that he felt like his face was melting. I jumped in the car, racing home on the cell phone to Hospice. By the time I got home, the nurse and the social worker pulled in behind me. Mark was incoherent and kept asking if he was floating. He said he felt like he could fly. I was scared out of my mind. The pain was so intense that all he could do was cry and keep saying, "they promised me I wouldn't suffer." My heart was breaking. They called the ambulance and took him to the Hospice facility. He also was showing signs again of seizure activity. Once there, they gave him a hypo of valium to stop the seizure and immediately put him on a morphine pump. By the time the doctor made rounds this evening, Mark was sitting up, drank about a half-cup of tomato soup and was able to walk around on his own. The doctor was very frank with us. This could be a two-fold problem. They may find that his liver is no longer processing the morphine. If that's the case, they will wean him off and start him on some other pain medication. This could also be the tumor, advancing into a nerve center and setting off the seizures and the intense pain. They will have to assess how best to control the pain and we will go from there. They told us to expect him to be there about a week. He's taking it all fairly well. This morning was heart-wrenching and incredibly frightening for both of us. He felt that he slipped over his imaginary cliff. But, he still had his parachute. I am printing out all of the wonderful blog visits. His spirits will be lifted. Thank all of you so very much. You can not know how much it means to us both. I will keep you up-dated as I learn things, and hopefully, in about a week, Mark will write here for you. Peace and love to all of you!

Thursday Night

2008-11-13T20:30:00.003-05:00

How very special to see you here, Lori! You mean such a great deal to Mark and I. He asked me to write tonight. He has had a rough couple of days. He's been fairly irritable and I attribute that to the increase in the medications. The dogs, who worry so about him and run to him at his every move, are really almost more than anyone can handle. It's not their fault - they are concerned and don't know how else to show it. But four big dogs circling every time you try to go the bathroom or across the bedroom can be a bit much and I think it's starting to get to him. When I'm home, I try to keep them occupied, but there's no one here during the day to give them anything else to do but sit as closely as they can and get under foot. Mark's trying to sleep again now, so I'm going to watch tv out in the living room and that will give him some peace. We love you all and ask that you keep us in your prayers. I don't know if we would have made it so far with so much strength without all of you.

Wednesday

2008-11-12T17:58:00.004-05:00

Hi Ya'll! I'm up and "running" around again. The leg was a pain for a few days and I stayed in bed, not wanting to hear Rebecca say "Told ya so".
Jen, feel free to do whatever you wish. Just understand, I don't think of myself as some iconic figure. I'm just a scared man looking for as many hugs as I can get.
Kaylee, don't think about blogging or your emotions, just do it. Let it flow, positive or negitive. You won't be wrong if you're being honest.
You guys in the past few days have really helped me so very much (again)! Sometimes you need help looking at the whole forest and getting off you Butt and go forward.
More tomorrow. Thanks again guys!
Peace and Love
Mark

Tuesday Evening

2008-11-11T19:10:00.002-05:00

Mark didn't feel up to posting today. He's been restless with his leg hurting. He hasn't slept well for the past few nights and tries to catch up on his sleep during the day. Today it seems, everybody and his brother felt the need to call between 1 p.m. and 6 p.m., even though we've told everybody not to call then - that's when he tries to nap. So, he's going to try to go to sleep earlier than usual tonight. The leg looks better. I think it's on the mend. Our love to all of you. NEVER GIVE UP!

Monday Morning

2008-11-10T10:38:00.002-05:00

Hi all - Mark just called me - they delivered the wheelchair and he's doing ok with it. Seems it's a "black racing wheelchair." Yea, we'll see! He's in much better spirits about it today than yesterday. I read him all of your comments, and he wants me to thank Bev, Nancy, Carol & Travis for their kind and encouraging (and inspirational) words. You guys are the best. I'm sure that with another day's rest, he'll be back here tomorrow to up-date you himself. He can just wheel on over from the bedroom! Peace & Love!

Sunday

2008-11-09T06:09:00.003-05:00

Morning all! I have always been proud of the fact that I could control myself and my body. It seems to be a pipe dream again. The fall I took was a bad one and I guess you would call it a wake up call. This one really hurt my pride along with my body.I guess what bothers me the most is I had no control what so ever. None. It was less than a split second and I was down for the count.
One of the many things that keeps me going is (was) my ability to think in real time. "I am" never "I was". I never talk in past tense. "I can", never "I could". It's going to be harder to do that now. They will take X-rays today.
I know I am slipping, but it was something I could put in a bottom drawer and deal with quietly by myself. It seems those days are over. I slipped a bit further down that wet rope I am so desperately holding on to. It is so very hard on Rebecca.
I was always the one who provided. Who took the lead. Now, I must follow. Tomorrow I will be in a wheelchair.
Cancer is not only killing me, but slowly stripping me of my Manhood. Who I am. Or was. I must find a way out of this new funk. Any ideas would be helpful.
Peace and Love to all.
Mark

Saturday Morning

2008-11-08T10:39:00.003-05:00

All the while my children were growing up, I used to tell them "everything happens for a reason" when they didn't like the turn of events or questioned a decision I was making. It was a convenient answer. Later on, when sad events happened in our lives, I used that axiom over and over to explain why things that made no sense occurred. As my life has progressed, I have found that off-hand statement to more and more true. I think God's hand is in every move we make, and we just don't give appropriate creedance to that. Thursday at work, I was fine until noon (Nancy, your phone call came around noon . . .ummmm lol), and then progressively I felt really really funky. By 5:00, I was miserable. So, when I was up most of the night sick, Mark said he would call in for me and that I needed to stay home. There was a reason for that. About 2:00 yesterday afternoon, I was laying on the couch, finishing a book and resting. Mark went through the living room to come in to the computer. I heard a mighty crash. I jumped up. Before I could make it in here, I heard another crash. He had fallen - first into the computer desk and then on to the floor, hitting his head on the door jam for the closet. Thankfully, no serious injury. His left knee is swollen and very painful and he has a bump on the left side of his head. But, this was a wake-up call. He says that all of a sudden, he just felt himself falling. I think his balance is getting much worse and his eyesight is probably a little dimmer than he really admits to me. Whatever the cause, he has now got decisions to make about supporting himself as he moves through the house. We have both a cane and walker here, and he will be using one of them from now on. I am thankful I was home. Had I been at work, he might have lain on the floor until I came home. He is so weak, I doubt he would have been able to get up. So, believe me when I say, everything does happen for a reason. I was sick - so I was home when he needed me. He's resting comfortably now. He's probably going to stay in bed most of the day. I do have to go out for some groceries but he promises to use something if he gets up and around. Keep the prayers coming - Somebody up there is listening! We love you! NEVER GIVE UP!

TGIF

2008-11-07T05:15:00.002-05:00

Morning all! Rebecca is sick again and spent the night hurling. Believe me, she is very low maintenance, but when she is sick, I do my best to take care of her.
To my blogging friends. If you wish to visit Florida, you have a place to stay with me! I would love to meet some of you, if not all! Just give me a call!
Just a quick note today. Going back inside with Rebecca.
Peace and Love to all!
Mark

Wednesday

2008-11-06T09:32:00.002-05:00

Morning all! I'm feeling OK and although my eyes are hurting me, I'll make it though this blog!
To Kaylee! Glad your coming home soon! You're going to go through some changes and if you need to talk or e-mail me direct, I'm here for you always! A BIG hug to you!
I promised my doggies I would take them on a walk. It's about 65 outside and nice walking weather. To all my friends out there: have a blessed day.
Peace and Love to all!
Mark

The Day After the Election!

2008-11-05T09:35:00.002-05:00

Whoooo - what a night last night. Are we glad Obama won - yes! More though, are we glad the Democrats won - OH YEA! The significance of the first African American in the White House is not lost on us, but it is more personally significant that we have now in place the real hope for change and correction in the government of our country. We, as a nation, would have been further devasted as a world power and world ecomonic leader under four more years of the now-proven failed policies of the Republicans. I admire John McCain. He has given more for his country than most of its citizens will ever be called upon to give. However, he was no more a proven leader in the types of problems we are facing than is Obama. His alignments were just too close to the status quo and that, we can not survive. So - again - What a Night!

Mark is resting today. His poor eyes are just too much and staying up until midnight was a little more than he should have done, but he wouldn't have missed it. I'm sure he'll post tomorrow and up-date you. His nurse came yesterday and she was somewhat pleased about his leveling off from the pain and nausea. He did have a few bouts yesterday of nausea, but they seem to be further apart. We send all of you our love and wish for peace! NEVER GIVE UP!

Tuesday

2008-11-04T05:47:00.003-05:00

Morning all! This is not going to be long. I'm having trouble with my eyes the last few days. I can't focus very well. Everything is fuzzy. Other than that, I feel pretty good today. Rebecca is fine. Still sleeping.
Today is Vote Day! A new page is turned, for good or bad. Only time and the Lord knows for sure. This is the last time I'll be voting and hope my guy can pull it out! My nurse comes this morning. I got to take a shower.
Peace and Love to all
Mark

Monday

2008-11-03T08:20:00.003-05:00

Morning all! So, the landlord finally called and will be here tomorrow. We took this house with the option to buy 2 years ago. Mainly because the house was so old (25 years) I thought that things will go wrong and break down. I wanted to see where and what broke before investing my last savings on a lemon of a home. I guess it really doesn't matter, because Rebecca loves it here. We will pick up the option in January. It's a 2 bedroom home on 5 acres. I just do not want it to be too much for Rebecca to handle on her own. She is strong and I'm certain now she will handle it.
1 more day! VOTE!!!!!!
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Sunday Evening

2008-11-02T19:32:00.002-05:00

Hi all - Mark had a nice, quiet day. His eyes are still kinda blurry, so he asked me to let you all know he's doing ok but decided he'd give the eyes a rest from the computer screen. He's in the bedroom now, watching the end of the Dolphins game and eating . . .are you ready for this???? Black Raspberry ice cream. Ummmm, sounds like a good day to me. I had a nice day too. I made two loaves of Rachel's Honey Bread. It's Mark's cousin's wife's mother's (that's a mouthful) recipe. I gave a loaf to our wonderful neighbor and his wife. He came over last weekend and mowed my front yard for me. Our landlord is becoming more and more scarce when there are problems. I have been asking for two months for him to fix the lawn mower so I could control the jungle but he only shows up for the rent check and always has something to rush off to. So, I called him yesterday and left a message that the rent money was going to be at the house and he'd have to come here to get it. Let's see if that motivates him. Also, we have been having major problems with water pressure (or lack thereof) so he needs to look at the water pump too. Keep your fingers crossed. Taking a shower in a drizzle of water has not been fun. Love and peace to you all!

Saturday

2008-11-01T09:18:00.002-04:00

Morning. Rebecca is sawing wood. Out like a light! I hope she sleeps all day.
I don't have much to say today. No pearls of wisdom. Just thought I'd sit here, put on my headphones and dissapear into the sounds of the 60's. When I feel weird, I listen to Leon Redbone or Tom Waites. Love there voices.
Have a great weekend!
Peace and Love to everyone! Mark

TGIF

2008-10-31T04:15:00.003-04:00

Morning all. Amanda Lynn... I too have Neuropathy and take that horse pill Neurontin 4 times a day. You're not alone. We are all in this together!
It's funny, since I have been sick, I have had the privilege of meeting some really great people. I have reached a point in my life, or in my illness, that I just look the person in the eye and say what I want to say. I'm not cruel, just honest. What are they going to do? Kill me? It's a good feeling talking your mind openly and carefree. I am pissed that I found out so many things about myself so late. I could have been a much better person. I try and do better each day. Help when I can and I smile more. I have found peace and with that comes a calm soul.
Every day that I have on God's Green Earth is a blessing and I treat it as such. The Lord gave me Rebecca. I am truly blessed.
Have a great weekend! Peace and Love to all.
Happy Halloween!
Mark

Thursday Evening

2008-10-30T18:58:00.001-04:00

Mark asked me to write a little something. He has had a rather ok day, but he says his eyes seem blurry today and he couldn't quite take the glare from the computer screen today. He's going to eat dinner with me (a little spaghetti and meatballs), so I'm happy about that. He's in good spirits and he's feeling pretty good today. It's a GREAT day! Love to you all!

Thursday Morning

2008-10-30T10:56:00.002-04:00

Mark and I thought you might like to use the widget from the Obama website to see if you will qualify for a tax cut under an Obama administration. Just something new and different on here. Mark is still snuggling under the blankets this morning. This is supposed to be our last day of chilly mornings. It has been rather refreshing. I'm sorry to see them go. Love and Peace to you all!

Obama Tax Calculator Widget

2008-10-29T20:45:00.001-04:00

Wednesday

2008-10-29T09:10:00.005-04:00

Morning all! Glad to be up and around again. No excuses. I have been in a funk and felt like staying in bed and sleeping.
My brother sent me a link to a pretty cool site. For us old farts who remember what a 45 was.
http://www.oldfortyfives.com/ Enjoy!
If I hear the term Joe The Plumber one more time, I'm going to hang myself.
Nothing really new to report. COLD outside, but enjoyable! The dogs love it and are romping outside as I write this. It was 42 this morning. That's pretty cold for Florida. I'm wearing my robe and Bugs Bunny slippers.
Have a great day all! Thanks for hanging in there with me!
Go Phillie's! Love and Peace to all!
Mark

Tuesday Evening

2008-10-28T18:51:00.002-04:00

The nurse came today while I was at work to see Mark. She must have cheered him up, because he was up when I got home, shivering, but up. You see, it's darned COLD here today. Well, for us anyway. He drank a big cup of cream of tomato soup. It warmed my heart while it warmed his body. He's back in bed now, but I'm happy. The nurse left some new medicine for him to try to stop the nausea. We'll see how that works. I'm gonna feed the doggies, feed the kitty, feed the me and go to sleep. I think I can . . . .Love to you all!

Middle of the NIght Monday (or is it Tuesday?)

2008-10-28T02:42:00.003-04:00

Can't sleep. Mark is very fitful, in a lot of pain and having bouts of nausea again. The dogs, bless them, keep "checking" on him and he's not tolerating that well tonight either. I decided just to take them all out into the living room and shut the bedroom door, so he can try and rest as much as possible. So, here I am, on the computer at 2:30 in the a.m. I don't know how long he will keep trying to fight this without calling in the nurses again. He is resisting, feeling like this will pass and he'll level out on his own. I'm not so sure. I try very hard to abide by his wishes, but if he continues to decline, not holding down fluids again, and having the severe pain, I'll have to take matters into my own hands. The nurse is not scheduled for her regular visit until Wednesday, but I'm not so sure I want to wait that long. I'll see how tomorrow goes. Pray that we have strength. We both need a little boost of it. Love and Peace to all! NEVER GIVE UP!

Sunday Afternoon

2008-10-26T15:05:00.002-04:00

Nice quiet Sunday. Been in bed a lot. That's Rebecca for you. One little siezure and she turns into the commandant, Just going to watch football and not much else anyway today, so bed is ok. Haven't been eating much again. Just no appetite. Amanda, the neuropathy takes some getting used to, The Neurontin I take helps. Peace & Love to all!

2008-10-25T18:58:00.003-04:00

Hello all - I made Mark stay in or near the bed most of today. He had a little seizure activity this morning. He is also throwing up a lot again. We have narrowed it down to his morning coffee. The one thing he truly loves, and it is turning on him. We think it's the acid in the coffee. He so looks forward to that big mug and now he's afraid to drink it. This disease is so brutually unfair. Why can't he have a reaction to tea or milk . .. nope, just the coffee. We're watching the campaign stuff wind down and frankly, I'm kinda glad it's almost over. Not that I'm not interested in all of it. I'm just up to my ears in it. Everybody have a great weekend -what's left anyway. Remember you are all loved - even you, Diane. Yep, I know you read but you don't write. We love you too!

TGIF

2008-10-24T10:39:00.003-04:00

Morning all! So, who falls asleep in the Hospital Bed? Rebecca. Dead out! I'm glad she enjoyed it!
Harry looks better today. I think he ate a lizard.
Last night we had Bar-B-Q ribs. We like the ones from Costco. There "Corky's" from Memphis.
Nothing really new to report. Still trying to get my headaches under control.
Have a great weekend! Go Philly's!!!!!
Peace and Love
Mark

Thursday Morning

2008-10-23T06:23:00.002-04:00

Good Morning! Today I get a Hospital Bed delivered. I'm not thrilled about it, but I hope it will help lower the seizures I'm having in my legs, by keeping my legs higher. I also get very dizzy getting in and out of bed. So, hopefully this will help.
Rebecca is feeling better. The heat down here has finally broken. Today it will rain most of the day and we need it. A cool front comes through tonight.
Harry looks a bit better today. He ate a little last night and ran otside after our neighbors horse. I prey he's OK.
Peace and Love to all! Never give up!
Mark

Wednesday Morning

2008-10-22T05:51:00.003-04:00

Morning all! I'm worried about Rebecca. She just won't slow down. It's like talking to a wall sometimes. I can't get too mad, she gets it from me.
Sometimes you can look in the mirror 100 times and not really "see" your face. I just noticed a bit of swelling around my left eye socket. The pain is there, feels like an impacted wisdom tooth. The Doctor said I may loose my sight in that eye. I try hard not to think of such things and keep on keeping on. Only the pain reminds me of my situation. I take as many meds as I feel will see me through the pain. If I take the full correct dose, I'm a Zombie for the entire day.
Voting felt GREAT!!!! I hope you ALL go early and enjoy that feeling!
Today I'm going to watch Harry carefully. I hope he comes out of his funk. Lord, I love this dog!
Peace and Love to all. Mark

Tuesday Evening

2008-10-21T18:21:00.002-04:00

Thought I would write tonight. Mark describes his headache today as 3 on the 1 - 10 scale. He tried to sleep this afternoon, but I don't think he was too successful. He looks tired. What is very odd to me is that the skin around his left eye (the area of the tumor) is now discolored and he looks like I socked him in the eye. The texture of the skin has changed a little, too. The doctors don't seem to think it's anything to worry about, but it is very disturbing to me. It's a visible sign of how badly he feels. I must admit that I am not sleeping well again. I just can't turn off my mind. I am hesitant to depend on any medication, but some nights I just have to take something, or I am almost too tired to work. I can't afford to let myself slip at work. I can't afford to let my self slip here at home either. So, I sigh deeply, and trudge on. Harry, our chocolate lab, is not doing too well right now either. I want to hope it's just because he ate a lizard or something. He didn't eat his dinner last night and shows no interest in eating tonight either. Up until yesterday afternoon, he was fine. Anybody who knows Harry knows him turning down food is not normal. We'll watch him and hope that his appetite returns.
Mark and I have voted. What a really good feeling. I really do feel that every vote counts and we are glad we have done our civic duty. Everybody - get out and vote. Let your voice be heard. Don't think somebody else will do it for you.
Have a great evening! Peace and love to all - and NEVER GIVE UP!

Monday

2008-10-20T04:59:00.002-04:00

It's 5 AM and I'm up and walking around! We went to a "Beach Blanket Party/ Low Country Boil" yesterday and it lasted longer than I thought it would. We didn't leave until the Rays beat the Red Sox! HA! A good time was had by all.
I have a splitting headache, but will ride it out. Probably from acting so stupid yesterday. I'm not a drinker anymore. 4 Corona's and a few Margaretta's can wipe me out. It did fell good being "normal" even though the payback is this headache.
I think I'll lie down and try to sleep. Rebecca is snoring away!
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Sunday Afternoon

2008-10-19T13:25:00.002-04:00

Hello to all. We are having a beautiful, almost fall-like day here and the house is peaceful and quiet. Mark is napping, as he is having a great deal of pain around his left eye today. I am helping him compose a letter to thank the administration and staff of the Frances Georgeson Hospice House for all the care and compassion they showed during his recent visit. It is important to Mark that they know how much their caring treatment meant to him. He also wants to tell the "people at the top" how the nurses and couselors who visit us at home are making this time of anxiety much easier for him. I hope all of you are having a beautiful weekend too. Our love goes to each of you and we are thinking of you constantly. NEVER GIVE UP!

Saturday Morning

2008-10-18T07:51:00.005-04:00

Good morning all! A special hello to Kaylee and Amanda Lynn. Kaylee, I left you a message on your blog. I hope you read it. Amanda, thanks for sharing.
An update for the new people. I have been through 45 radiation treatments and chemo twice. I decided in my 2nd. chemo that it was not worth it anymore. The chemo was killing me mentally and physically faster than the cancer was. I couldn't eat, sleep, vomiting all the time and just going around being a SOB blaming everyone for living around me. The cancer has spread into my spinal cord causing seizures in my legs and arms.
I had a choice. Chemo would extend my life maybe, MAYBE 2 or 3 years. OR, stop chemo and enjoy what I have for my remaining 12 to 18 months. It was a hard choice. My wife and I sat down and talked for hours on end. I remembered a line from the movie Sawshank Redemption: "Get busy living or get busy dying". I chose life.
It's not the quantity of life, but the quality! Pain? Yes. Pills? They help, along with some "herbs" from a friend down the road. I do not feel I made the wrong decision. I'm living and loving my wife and have made some incredible friends on this blog! I hope you are a new one.
I will never give up! Never! But I will also never give up on living my life to the fullest extent I can.
If ever anyone needs to talk you can E-mail me direct at mcp12148@yahoo.com or CALL me at 239-530-2144. If I don't answer, I'm walking my dogs!
We are NOT alone! We are all tied together! Please remember that.
Peace and Love to all! Mark

TGIF

2008-10-17T08:53:00.004-04:00

Good morning all.... I'm baaaaack! Good to be sitting at home again. I put a new picture up of me.
I must say that Avow Hospice was one great place! I hated to be there, but the people were wonderful! They made me feel so special and they were all very caring. The Hospice was set up like a hotel room and not a hospital. Very cozy, private rooms with patios overlooking a big lake. Rooms more like a Ramada Inn then a hospital. A/C, Cable TV, even the food was good!
I have to admit, I felt a certain calm after leaving yesterday. Knowing that my "end of days" will be in such a loving and peaceful place.
Today I am doing nothing! My nurse should be here anytime now and afterwords I may take a nap or jump into my spa. Nice and mellow!
World Series: Rays vs Phillies. I'll take the Phillies!
Have a blessed weekend and thanks for all your prayers!
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Thursday!

2008-10-16T13:38:00.001-04:00

Hooray! He's home. The doggies, the kitty and I are thrilled. I brought Mark home about 12:00 p.m. today. He's doing so much better. He said to tell you he will nap for a while and he might be able to blog for himself a little later today. If not, then tomorrow. Thanks for the extra prayers - they helped! Love to all of you!

Wednesday Midday

2008-10-15T15:24:00.002-04:00

Hi all - I stopped this morning on my way to work to see my honey and went up at lunch time. He must be feeling better - he had all the nurses laughing. He looks better. His color is much better and he says he actually ate a few bites of solid food at lunch - the verdict isn't in on whether or not it will stay down. As I was leaving, he said he felt a little queasy, but he was trying. I am guessing they will keep him tonight and if he is holding the food, and the pain is under control, he's come home tomorrow. My poor baby. We don't use the AC at our house (bills are just not do-able), so when he got there last night, he was freezing. The air is set pretty low there and when I saw him this morning, he was in a cocoon of blankets. By the time he leaves, he'll be miserable at our house again. Good news is, we are getting a weak cold front over the weekend and it's supposed to be pretty mild. Well - I'll let you guys all know how it's going. Just remember - NEVER GIVE UP!

Tuesday Night

2008-10-14T22:28:00.002-04:00

After two days of not being able to keep down even water, let alone his meds, we made the decidion tonight to have Mark check into the Hospice facility here for a couple of days so they can try to regulate his meds and stop the constant nausea. He is wrestling with decision, as he is fearful of the move, thinking he won't be coming home. I know better. The doctor decided the environment there would make it easier to find the right level of meds to get him back to where he's more comfortable. Kissing him good night and leaving was the hardest thing I've had to do so far. But he was already feeling better, and I know with a day or so there, he'll be back home and doing much better. We need to try to get some nutrition in him and have it stay. I'll keep you all up-dated. Please say an extra prayer tonight. Please God, let him rest comfortably and keep his positive attitude. I love him so. NEVER, EVER GIVE UP!

Monday Afternoon

2008-10-13T16:18:00.002-04:00

Mark has been in bed all day today. His headaches are getting worst, vomiting constantly and it is hard for him to talk without feeling pain. The left side of his face is the main problem right now. His leg seizures makes it hard to walk. He is staying strong and still has that cutting dry humour! Never give up! Peace and Love to all!

Sunday

2008-10-12T09:20:00.002-04:00

Morning! I'm feeling better today. Maybe because Florida crushed LSU last night! I'm also rooting for the Phillies to beat the Dodgers. LOVE to see the Rays beat the Sox!
Most of my pain is coming from the left side of my face, my eye socket down to my jaw area. This makes it very hard to talk and chew food. Nothing is really helping. Trying not to think about it and carry on. Easier said than done.
Rebecca is still sleeping (thank the Lord for that). The woman amaze me. She never complains and takes all in stride. I can be a real ass sometimes and she just smiles. I wish all of you could know her. She is a saint.
Have a great weekend and may the Lord bless you all!
Peace and Love Mark

Saturday Night

2008-10-11T21:06:00.003-04:00

Good quiet day. Headache is taking over so I'm going to bed early. Nothing on tv anyway. Everybody have a great weekend and remember all of you are cherished. Peace and love!

Friday Evening Up-Date

2008-10-10T19:02:00.002-04:00

I told you all I would let you know the outcome of my quest to get Mark Lifeline services (a/k/a "I've fallen and I can't get up"). It would seem that in the infinite wisdom of Medicaid, the service is not covered if the recipient is diagnosed as terminal. After all, why waste taxpayer money on somebody who's going to die???? When the Medicaid staffer told me that, I was speechless for a few minutes. Talk about compassion and caring when working with the public! Well, suffice to say, at this time, we won't be getting the service. I have made Mark promise me that he will carry a phone in his pocket when he's walking around the house for any significant length of time. Hopefully, if he falls, he will still be able to dial. My God - I guess I'm still really angry. I needed to vent and you guys got it. But, as our friend Nancy is so quick to say . . ."Life is good!" We'll just buck up and move on. We NEVER GIVE UP!

TGIF

2008-10-10T08:24:00.002-04:00

Morning all! Feeling pretty good today. No real pain and my limbs seem to be working. Rebecca nearly jumped and hit the ceiling this morning when she saw a movie coming out from one of her favorite books. Something about Bees. A chick flick. I keep begging her to get out of the house and enjoy herself more. She just keeps sitting looking at like I'm going to fall over dead if she leaves. Lord, this woman is amazing!
It has been a tradition with us to deep fry a Turkey for Thanksgiving. With peanut oil going for $10 a gallon and I need 5 gallons, it would cost more than 2 times the cost of the Turkey to cook. So, this year we will go to Honey Baked for our Ham and a friend will deep fry our Turkey and I'll pay for 2.5 gallons of the oil.
I found an old picture of Rebecca with Mike Bolton. She used to work for him. Now I got to stare at it all day! UGH!
Have a blessed weekend all!
Peace and Love
Mark

Thursday

2008-10-09T09:16:00.002-04:00

Morning! Not feeling very up to par today. Very tired. My neighbors horse "Coco" every now and then comes over to our fence line and taunts the dogs. Coco starts to whinny and the dogs go berserk. Normally I don't mind, but it started 4:30 this morning.
I couldn't get tickets to see Joe Biden yesterday. It was a packed arena.
Did you see on the news that cop who called Obama by his middle name? Mike Scott. Rebecca is friends with his wife. We were all shocked when he did what he did.
Today I'm going to make a nice breakfast and try and eat it. My appetite has dwindled to nothing. Even after I eat, I hurl. I have to get used to the Morphine.
As a joke, I started watching "The View". These lady's go crazy! Weird program.
Have a great day all! Peace and Love
Mark

Wednesday

2008-10-08T06:07:00.002-04:00

Morning all! Boy, did I sleep! I guess I needed it. My nurse comes today and I'll find out why. To be honest, I know the cancer is growing. I can feel the left side of my face in more pain than I ever had before. My neck is stiff and my arms and legs are loosing feeling. My nerve endings feel like they are on fire. I'm taking more meds than ever before. It's only going to get worse, but I keep sitting in the Sun and walking my Dogs. Think positive! Never Give Up!
Peace and Love to all
Mark

Tuesday Night

2008-10-07T20:45:00.003-04:00

Just a quick note to let you guys know that Mark has been sleeping all day (in between bouts of throwing up). His nurse comes tomorrow. I don't yet know what she will suggest to address these developments. He is taking so much pain medication and not eating well (not counting his GREAT weekend), so I think its a reaction to the strength of the meds. I'm going to sit with him and watch the debate. So he or I will update you tomorrow. Love and peace to all - NEVER GIVE UP!

Monday

2008-10-06T15:21:00.002-04:00

Hi all! Sorry I'm so late today. Sara Palin was in my area today about 3 miles away. I went and protested. The place where she went in Naples (my town), the only "Joe Six Pack" you'll see will be cutting the lawn. The arena she filled in Fort Myers, the next city North, was filled with High School kids, who got extra credit for going. "Scoccer Mom's" were given signs and t-shirts to wear. All the kids went! Thousands! All to young to vote! What a sham!
Peace and Love
Very tired. More tomorrow.
Mark

Sunday Morning

2008-10-05T09:12:00.002-04:00

Morning! Wow! What a great day yesterday! James (#1 son) came down with his new girlfriend and we all went to a Japanese Steak house. I had steak and scallops. The food was incredible. Add a few My-ties and I felt no pain until I woke this morning with a headache. A great time was had by all.
Craig's flight left this morning at 5AM. Will's leave at 5PM tonight. I fell very honored that they came down. Looking ahead.... I asked James for permission to marry his Mother again on our anniversary March 4 of next year! She said yes as did James. It's a long way away, but I have something to work towards!
Today I'm just going to take it easy and relax.
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Saturday

2008-10-04T14:25:00.002-04:00

Hi all. A busy, beautiful morning for me. I decided to have an old fashion Jewish ceremony today. It is called a "Mikvah". It is the equivalent of a Baptism. Keep in mind, that John the Baptist was a Jewish Rabbi. With the help of many, we found the old text and held the ceremony this morning. I used my Spa as the pool. I was dunked 3 times and Jewish prayers read. My spiritual guides are my wife Rebecca and Lori Becker, the Chaplin, a true gem of a person. It was a very moving, very emotional and physical experience.
I thought of all of my friends on line. I truly feel blessed. My soul is cleansed and I feel reborn!
A special thanks to Nancy, Craig, Will, Lori and my good wife Rebecca! Will and Craig flew down from Michigan to attend. It just amazed me! I will always cherish this day. I also wish to send out a prayer to Dennis and Teresa, who could not attend due to an emergency in the family.
You all were and are with me in spirit, I thank you so very much!
Peace and Love Mark

TGIF

2008-10-03T09:30:00.002-04:00

Morning! I went to my Doctor today. He said I was doing "fine" ... considering. I gained 10 pounds, thanks to the "munchies." I think he's worried about my increasing headaches. All in all, I get a passing grade this time.
It's weird going into the offices and seeing some of my old chemo friends. You say hello and wonder if this is the last time you'll see them. Some look good, some terrible. You lie and tell them how good they look. They know you lied, but they just smile back and say thanks.
The heat of the morning has worn me out. I have to lie down.
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Thursday Morning

2008-10-02T10:15:00.002-04:00

I'm going to post for Mark today - he's not feeling up to snuff and asked that I do this for him today. I think, personally, he saving all his strenght to hiss and boo at the tv tonight in the VP debate. He wanted me to be sure and give kudos and great thanks to Nancy for coming over last night and helping me clean my deck and spa. I haven't had the energy or gumption to do it for so long it was an attrocious mess. So thanks, Nancy - we love you.
I am again fighting the system to try to get Mark a Lifeline connection that I have been told will be paid for by Medicaid. Now, everybody but Medicaid seems to know just what I am talking about - even the Lifeline people. However, I have talked to at least four different Medicaid reps and they all have their fingers up their noses and can't seem to figure out how to help me. Give me strength!!!! I'll let you all know how it turns out.
Our own personal touch with the economic meltdown: My son, who has worked very hard over the years to have stellar credit (810 score - not shabby), found a condo here in Florida to buy. It was a short sale (the bank had to agree to the sales price and to take a bit of a loss on the original loan), which they ultimately did. HOWEVER, during all the "crap" that has surfaced over the past two weeks, the requirement for him to buy the condo has gone from 5% down to 10% down to 20% down (all on a $60,000 loan), followed by "we won't make the loan at all - it's not you, it's Fannie Mae." Seems there is a previously little used provision for Fannie Mae underwriting that says that the criteria for determining if a loan will be made on a condo is "what a comparable unit IN THE SAME COMPLEX has sold for in the past 12 months." Anybody who hasn't had their head under a rock knows that nothing has sold down here (or anywhere else for that matter) for more than a year. So, they are refusing to loan at all because they don't have a comparable. That's all well and good - hooray for rules - but he was told about this three days before closing was scheduled. His furniture was in the moving van and he had already given notice at his rental. (Don't worry - he's not under a bridge somewhere - not that they care). He has been given some insight on a way to fight this, and he will, at significant expense to himself, be doing so, because if he can win the fight, he can help out a lot of condo owners here who will be sitting on assets worth absolutely nothing - not just the devaluation they thought they had experienced. I'll also let you all know how this turns out.
Okay - I'm done - have a great day. We are getting ready for a visit from our son from Michigan - a quick trip in over the weekend. Be blessed and NEVER GIVE UP!