Goodbye, my beautiful Girlie . . .

On May 5th, I had to say goodbye to my beautiful and loyal German Shepherd, Pepper.  Long time readers of the blog will recognize that name.  She was and will always be a part of our family.  While she was "my" dog, Mark loved her very much.  We truly believe that she was the first one to know he had the cancer.  She would sniff and lick the side of his face, which was very uncharacteristic for her.  When we thought about it much later, after the diagnosis, it was clear to us, she knew.
I am posting this lovely poem in her memory.  As I held her that last time, I told her that Daddy was waiting for her and that he would run and play with her like he never could here.  And, that his pocket was full of cookies for his lovely Pepper.

To my dearest family,

some things I'd like to say.
But first of all, to let you know,
that I arrived okay.

I'm writing this from the Bridge.
Here I dwell with God above.
Here there's no more tears of sadness.
Here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy
just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I am with you
every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you
when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me,
and He said, "I welcome you.

It's good to have you back again;
you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family,
They'll be here later on."

God gave me a list of things,
that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list,
was to watch and care for you.

And when you lie in bed at night,
the day's chores put to flight,
God and I are closest to you . . .
in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth,
and all those loving years,
because you are only human,
they are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry:
it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers,
unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you
all that God has planned.
If I were to tell you,
you wouldn't understand.

But one thing is for certain,
though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you now,
than I ever was before.

There are rocky roads ahead of you
and many hills to climb;
But together we can do it
by taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy
and I'd like it for you too;
That as you give unto the world,
the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody
who's in sorrow and pain;
Then you can say to God at night . . .
"My day was not in vain."

And now I am contented . . .
that my life was worthwhile.
Knowing as I passed along
I made somebody smile.

God says: "If you meet somebody
who is sad and feeling low;
Just lend a hand to pick him up,
as on your way you go.

When you're walking down the street
with me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps
only half a step behind."

"And when it's time for you to go . . .
from that body to be free.
Remember you're not going . . .
you're coming here to me."

Butterfly Release - 2012

Once again, it's Butterfly Release time. This year, as in all the years past, it was a beautiful, meaningful ceremony. The sky was threatening, but the sun broke through and the butterflies sparkled as they fluttered skyward. Every year so far, a butterfly has visited me - landing on my shoulder or arm. This year, I had a "visitor" on my hair. As usual, I had to encourage it to leave. I know Mark's spirit is there with me each year and I believe that the butterfly's visit is manifestation of that. I send out love to all the followers of this blog and to any visitors who stop by. Mark wanted this to be a source of inspiration to all of you and as long as I am able, I will keep this blog going, so that anyone who can use it for strength and solace will find it waiting.

Rebecca

Cancer Strikes Again

My beloved son-in-law lost his father to cancer early this morning. Art was diagnosed three years ago and has been battling valiantly. My heart is aching for his wife and children. Please remember them in your prayers. I know that if they are surrounded with love and prayers, they will make their way through all this. I send my love on wings of the butterfly up to Michigan.

Butterfly Release 2011

Sunday, April 10th was the Avow Hospice Butterfly Release. I went to once again experience the profound wonder of the event. I can not say enough about how this helps my soul. This year, armed with my IPod, I got a few pictures of the beautiful butterflies before the tent opened and they soared skyward. Mark's spirit was all around me and I felt the love. I will always attend these, and encourage anyone who has experienced a loss to find the one in your area. Watching the butterflies reminds you of the beautiful moments you shared with your loved one, and how they have moved on and are circling, waiting on you. NEVER GIVE UP! I love you all!

Butterfly Release 2010

Today was the Avow Hospice Butterfly Release. I honored Mark and the butterflies soared skyward. I wanted to share again something that was read. The people putting this event together have a gift at finding just the right things to show the feeling of the hearts attending:

I Am Always With You
by: Anonymous

When I am gone, release me, let me go
I have so many things to see and do,
You mustn't tie yourself to me with too may tears,
But be thankful we had so many good years.

I gave you my love, and you can only guess
How much you've given me happiness.
I thank you for the love that you have shown,
But now it is time I traveled on alone.

so grieve for me a while, if grieve you must
then let you grief be comforted by trust
That it is only for a while that we must part,
So treasure the memories within your heart.

won't be far away for life goes on.
And, if you need me, call and I will come.
though you can't see or touch me, I will be near
And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear

All my love around you soft and clear
And the, when you come this way alone,
I'll great you with a smile and a "Welcome Home."

Hospice uses the butterfly as a symbol of hope. The reading also included "A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam. And, for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to our world. but then it flies again and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel luck to have seen it."

I have been giving a lot of thought to something that was posted here some time ago. A gentleman found our blog and took the time to send a beautiful message to me about how strong Mark and I had love for each other, because he could see it in the words of the blog. He also said that my continuing to blog periodically would continue to have an impact, showing others that live does go on when their loved one leaves them.

He was right. It does. I am not going to lie and tell you that magically, you reach a point where the pain is wiped away. Frankly, I don't want the pain to go completely away. I wear my heartache as a badge of the commitment and honor I had to and for Mark. I am not by any means wallowing in grief - that would not be productive and Mark would be very angry at me for letting that happen. So, I go forward, try to make everyday count for something and someone left in my life, while honoring the memory of my darling best friend and husband. I want all who read this to know I am a whole woman with purpose in my life. I'm still young enough to make a difference to those around me and I intend to do so. I love you all - NEVER GIVE UP!

Merry Christmas!

My prayer for you is that you have a Merry Christmas and a blessed and proporous 2010. My love to all of you and my prayers that you are happy and healthy. My prayers for the greiving and those in pain. Lord, hear my prayer. Touch those whose needs are both great and small. Thank you, God, for my friends and loved ones. Amen.

Saturday Night

I visited the blog today for the first time since I posted last. I was so touched to see the comments of all who visited. Jennifer, I did go to your blog and you have touched my heart. This week was so very hard for me. I feel enveloped in sadness. But, I understand the grieving process. I will be alright. It is okay to feel sad - I miss Mark so very much. But I also know it was the anniversary of the end of his pain and suffering and that is a good anniversary to remember. I love you all. Thanks you again and again for stopping by here. Please remember there is joy in this season, remembering God loves us all and gave us Christ as the first "Christmas present."