Sunday Evening

Today, I stepped back a little bit into life by doing something I loved and Mark was proud of me for doing. I used to cater and had a little home-based business where I cooked dinner for a small group at the host's home, preparing, serving and cleaning up afterwards. I absolutely love to cook and Mark was my best recipe taste tester. Tonight I made dinner for my friends who have been so very supportive of me in the last few months, as a way to say thank you, but more importantly to say I love you. I made them citrus/honey marinated pork roast with blueberry chipolte sauce, lemon pepper orzo, citrus/sesame grilled asparagus, and toasted pound cake with chocolate sauce and strawberries. I had a wonderful time doing it and it felt good to do something so good for people I care about. Every little step helps. Love to you all!

A Time to Remember

On May 11th, I attended a service that Hospice holds once a year called A Time To Remember. I thought I'd share with you all one of the readings from that service that meant a great deal to me:
We Light These Candles

by Nancy Moeller, LSE, CADC


We light these candles for our sadness.

The pain of losing you is intense and

the grief we feel is often hard to handle.

We want you to know

that we miss you so much.



We light these candles for our memories.

There is so much we remember:

your smile, your laugh -

the good time and the bad ones, too,

when we were angry and we were happy -

all those times that

never could have lived with

anyone but you.



We light these candles

for our determination.

Knowing you has brought us strength.

We are changed because of you.

Your life has made a

difference in our lives.

We want you to know that we will

take the energy of your living

to help us move on forward

in our own lives.



We light these candles for our love.

The specialness that we shared with you

can never be replaced.

Our love for you will shine

as brightly as these candles.

We will pass that love on to others

and as we do,

our hearts will smile because of you.

We want you to know

we will always love you.


Rebecca

A Quiet Friday Night

It's been a long time since I came here to write. I felt the need tonight. I am so sad of late. I have so many people I could talk to about it, so many friends who would listen and understand. But, I just can't seem to do that. It's easier for me to come here. The quiet of the house seems to surround me more and more every day. I sit at night and just listen. I don't know exactly what I'm listening for, but I know I feel the tears and hear my broken heart beating. I miss Mark so much. I know that time will heal me, but right now, I feel wounded. I guess I just needed to write that down. I also know I'll be ok - I am a strong person. I just don't feel really strong right now. Hello to all who might read this - my prayers still include all the people who visited here and who have suffering of their own. Don't forget to NEVER GIVE UP!

Monday Evening

Hi all. I wanted to share yesterday's butterfly release service with you. I was joined by 12 of Mark's friends and family at the beautiful service in Cambier Park, Naples, Florida. There were a couple hundred people there for the service. There was beautiful music and readings. The names of many, many victims of cancer were read in remembrance. Then, we all turned and watched as the walls of the butterfly tent were raised and the graceful creatures fluttered around and away. I was fortunate enough to have one land on my arm and, even when I encouraged it to go on, it stayed a while. I will share with each of you the blessing read at the conclusion of the service: May the wings of the butterfly kiss the sun
and find your shoulder to light on,
To bring you luck, happiness and riches
Today, tomorrow and beyond.

Following the formal service, my friends and I gathered in a quiet corner and Mark's cousin Steven recited the Jewish mourners' prayer, Kaddish, for us. Mark had asked that be done and this was perfect occasion. I think everyone left with a sense of peace. I know I did. My love to each of you.

Friday Night

I'm not too sure if anybody stops by here anymore, but I'm posting this for anyone who does and more importantly, to unburden my heart. I received word tonight that Mark's father passed away this morning. Alan Plotkin turned 93 years old last Saturday. He lived a long, full and amazing life. He was a loving husband and father to three children. He has grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Mark told me many stories of his incredible skills as a carpenter. He was a life-long Yankees fan and never missed a game. While his family will miss him so very much, I know they are all celebrating the wonderful life they shared with him for 93 years. My thoughts are with Mark's mother and siblings tonight.

This week was tremendously hard for me. Of all the holidays I won't share with my husband again, Wednesday was the day when I felt the loneliness of his being gone the most and I think it will always be the day when I miss him most. Wednesday was our 8th wedding anniversary. I married my best friend eight years ago and I am grateful for every day of those eight years. Well, lets be honest here - there were some days when I just wanted to pop him, but all in all, I wouldn't trade even those days for my considerable weight in gold. What most of you don't know is that Mark had asked me back in October if we could renew our wedding vows on our anniversary this year. He wanted to share with our friends the joy of that day eight years ago and to renew our public acclamation of affection for each other. I have solace in the knowledge that in fact, we renewed our vows every day we were together. Every night, our last words were "I love you." Yes, Mark, I will marry you again. I love you with all my heart.

Sunday Night

Hi to all - thought I would give you an up-date of what's been happening around here. Don't get excited - nothing spectacular. I think making it from day to day is a pretty big accomplishment. I didn't get to go to the town hall meeting. My dear friend, Jill, did and she was so very impressed. She said it did not really matter what your politics are, you can't help but be uplifted and encouraged by President Obama. He appeared to her to be genuine, gracious, and even if he makes mistakes (don't they all), he is dedicated to making it better for us.

I spent yesterday with Becca. We had a lovely time. I'm afraid I have created a monster. She fell in love with pedicures and she told me she intends to ask her mom to take her when she returns home. Sorry, Monica! She will be coming back here in April, and I already have plans for getting another for her and one for me. We also went shopping. Didn't buy anything but we had fun trying stuff on and laughing at the silly looking stuff. Trust me, there was a lot!

On March 22, here in Naples, there is an event sponsored by Avow Hospice. It is their 5th annual butterfly release. I will be taking part and will be asking that they include Mark in their memorial service. It seems to me to be a wonderful way to honor his memory and to share his story with the other attendees. I understand this may be a nation-wide hospice event. If you have a hospice in your area, I encourage you all to see if they will be doing something similar. If you can go, you can say a silent prayer for Mark and all the others whose lives are being remembered. I am having several of our friends go with me and we will use this as our own, private memorial. It is also a chance for all to sponsor hospice's wonderful works by making donations. I think there is even a ball the night before, as a fund raiser. I won't be attending that - my glass slippers are a little dirty.

I love you all and hope this finds you all doing well. I appreciate finding your little notes on here. Nothing new on the book front - I just checked with the software people and they still don't have the bugs worked out of the program yet. I'll keep you up-dated. In the meantime - NEVER GIVE UP!

Sunday Morning

Been a while since I've been here - to post, anyway. I still come by frequently to read some old posts, smile, tear up and leave with a warm feeling. I thought I'd up-date you guys on some developments around here. Mark would have been so excited. President Obama is coming to Fort Myers (about 1/2 hour away) on Tuesday to do a townhall meeting. I'm going to try really hard to go, but I don't know if I can get the time off. We had such high hopes for this administration and it was very important to Mark that he vote this year. We turned into political cable tv junkies and we watched non-stop pre-election coverage. The health care platform of Obama was very important to us. We rejoiced at his election, but fully understood that just getting elected wasn't going to be enough. I still have high hopes for meaningful healthcare reform. I would love to go to the meeting, as my own silent tribute to Mark and to show that I support the chance for change.

Have my beautiful granddaughter here for a visit. She and her dad are camping this weekend, but next weekend, she and I will be having a "day of beauty." I have a hair appointment booked, and then Becca and I will be going for pedicures and manicures. After that, perhaps a late lunch and a little shopping. We should have such a good time.

I hope this finds all of you well and surviving this brutal winter. We've had the coldest four weeks I can ever remember down here. It was below freezing twice (disaster for the local orange, tomato and strawberry farmers). My doggies were shivering! Not to mention me!

My love to all of you - stay warm, be safe and remember to NEVER GIVE UP!