Sunday, May 31, 2009
Today, I stepped back a little bit into life by doing something I loved and Mark was proud of me for doing. I used to cater and had a little home-based business where I cooked dinner for a small group at the host's home, preparing, serving and cleaning up afterwards. I absolutely love to cook and Mark was my best recipe taste tester. Tonight I made dinner for my friends who have been so very supportive of me in the last few months, as a way to say thank you, but more importantly to say I love you. I made them citrus/honey marinated pork roast with blueberry chipolte sauce, lemon pepper orzo, citrus/sesame grilled asparagus, and toasted pound cake with chocolate sauce and strawberries. I had a wonderful time doing it and it felt good to do something so good for people I care about. Every little step helps. Love to you all!
Saturday, May 16, 2009
On May 11th, I attended a service that Hospice holds once a year called A Time To Remember. I thought I'd share with you all one of the readings from that service that meant a great deal to me:
We Light These Candles
by Nancy Moeller, LSE, CADC
We light these candles for our sadness.
The pain of losing you is intense and
the grief we feel is often hard to handle.
We want you to know
that we miss you so much.
We light these candles for our memories.
There is so much we remember:
your smile, your laugh -
the good time and the bad ones, too,
when we were angry and we were happy -
all those times that
never could have lived with
anyone but you.
We light these candles
for our determination.
Knowing you has brought us strength.
We are changed because of you.
Your life has made a
difference in our lives.
We want you to know that we will
take the energy of your living
to help us move on forward
in our own lives.
We light these candles for our love.
The specialness that we shared with you
can never be replaced.
Our love for you will shine
as brightly as these candles.
We will pass that love on to others
and as we do,
our hearts will smile because of you.
We want you to know
we will always love you.
Friday, May 1, 2009
It's been a long time since I came here to write. I felt the need tonight. I am so sad of late. I have so many people I could talk to about it, so many friends who would listen and understand. But, I just can't seem to do that. It's easier for me to come here. The quiet of the house seems to surround me more and more every day. I sit at night and just listen. I don't know exactly what I'm listening for, but I know I feel the tears and hear my broken heart beating. I miss Mark so much. I know that time will heal me, but right now, I feel wounded. I guess I just needed to write that down. I also know I'll be ok - I am a strong person. I just don't feel really strong right now. Hello to all who might read this - my prayers still include all the people who visited here and who have suffering of their own. Don't forget to NEVER GIVE UP!