Monday Night

Mark went to sleep early tonight with a headache. I thought I up-date everybody on today's doctor appointment. The doctor understands and completely supports Mark's decision regarding suspension of the chemotherapy. But (isn't there always a but . . .), he wants Mark to have a follow-up MRI to see what, if any progress, the course of chemo actually did. Now starts the familiar, depressing battle to find someone who will take our lousy Medicaid coverage for a MRI. The last time, it took us months of searching to find a way to get the diagnostic testing. You see, we have something the State of Florida calls - - - "share of cost" coverage. Since I am fortunate enough to be employed, Medicaid will not cover Mark's medical expenses until we pay the first $1,447 each month. When the case manager first told us that, my response to her was "If I had $1,447 each month to pay toward the medical, I'd buy Blue Cross insurance. I don't have $1,447 each month to dedicate to the medical costs." She didn't even try to be sympathic. She curtly told me basically to "take it or leave it." We have to qualify each month for coverage. Oh, and when they determine each month if they will "honor" you with coverage, they make no allowance for what your monthly expenses are (you know, food, electricity, rent, gas, etc). They simply take the base salary, look at their chart, and tell you what you must pay. I am lucky to have a good job. But in today's economy, one salary is even covering our basic needs. We pick one bill every month to skip and hope we can catch up next month.
So, when he told us that this morning, my heart fell. You see, it's June 30th. So, tomorrow, we start the new month and we have no coverage, unless the Medicaid gods decide we do. Most of the diagnostic providers won't even except Medicaid and those that do check to see if you have "met your share of costs" and if not, they won't schedule you.
Sorry this is so long, but I feel the need to rant. I'm not sure what we will do. I will start the endless task of making calls tomorrow to see if I can get anything scheduled. Last time, I found one place that would schedule it if I gave them the first $700 up front. Oh, yeah . . .like that fits my budget. But, we have managed to squeak along so far and I know that we'll figure something out. In the meantime, I go back on the anxiety express.
Thanks for listening. I needed to get it out. Mark treasures all of you who read this. We ask especially for your prayers and support as we start this new phase of his fight. We really will NEVER GIVE UP! Rebecca

Sunday Afternoon

"Gort: Klato verada nicto !" Oh yes! Spent this afternoon watching The Day The Earth Stood Still. What a great film! No computer images, fake action scenes, hell, they did it in Black and White! I really enjoyed watching it today.
BTW: Craig, we are very, very proud of you going to Yale. I could not be any prouder if you were my own son. My son passed Yale once in a car.
I'm having a pretty good day today. Yesterday I had bad headaches and nose bleeds. Every day is a new adventure!
Rebecca has cooked a pot roast and I have been smelling it all day. I hope I can get it down.
Have a great day to all! Peace and Love Mark

A Nice Quiet Saturday

Today has been good so far. Mark asked me to "guest" write tonight. He has had a pretty bad headache today and had at least one nosebleed. He is having both more frequently. But, he has so much more energy than last week. He is able to sit and talk with me, watch t.v., and laugh at the funny stuff. This Mark is more like my Mark. He even tried my not so successful attempt at spaghetti and meatballs tonight. And even had a few bites of ice cream with some fresh strawberries and blueberries on top. All and all a darned good day. We are settling in for the evening and getting ready to watch the Saturday Night Live show that he told you about. We will enjoy it. My love and thanks to all of you for being here for Mark. REBECCA

Friday Afternoon

FYI: Saturday Night Live is showing the FIRST SNL ever aired with George Carlin as host and Andy Kaufman. Don't miss it!
Today is a good day! I got a laugh from the Dust Bunnies and para sailing pictures, thanks Jen! Laughing is as great as my Mom's Chicken Soup!
I feel stronger. Once all the toxins are out of my system, I should be able to eat again. My good wife keeps cooking these dishes to get me to eat. It's driving me nuts!
I wish to thank you all for your support. I never expected it, but cherish every one of you!
There are 86,400 seconds in a day. It's up to each one of us to spend them wisley. I am learning this the hard way.
Peace and Love to all
Mark

Thursday Afternoon

Well, Rebecca and I met with Avow Hospice today and everything went quite smooth. They seem to be very nice, explained everything and answered all questions. I will see the Doctor Monday to OK hospice. To be honest, I knew the chemo wasn't working anymore and now it comes down to quality of life. I have two choices: The chemo makes me so very sick, but in the long run will extend my life an extra couple of months. OR: Stop chemo and get back to living, eating and loving my wife with the remaining time I have left. Hospice promised I will never know pain. There is a line from the movie Shawshank Redemtion: "Get busy living or get busy dying." I choose living. It won't be easy and to be honest, I'm scared to death (no joke intended) but it seems to me to be the best way to finish my life.
To all my friends, I hope you understand my decision and I wait to hear from you all. Your opinions are important to me.
Another saying: "when the wind shifts, it is time to head to port."
The wind has shifted.
May Peace and Love be with you all!
Mark

Wednesday Afternoon

I am having a good day today. The rain has stopped and the dogs are out from under the bed. I took a nap and dreamt of watching "Have Gun, Will Travel" while eating Moon Pies and drinking a bottle of Orange Crush. No, I'm not smoking any funny cigarettes, just a nice dream.
I wish to welcome Mike Golch and Saintly Nick onto my blog. It is such a comfort to know there are so many good people out there. I am going to try and have some soup and a sandwhich.
You are all in my prayers and thank you for taking the time to write to me. It means so very much! Peace be with you all and much Love from me to you! Mark

Tuesday Afternoon

Today has been a hard day. I broke the news to my Mother that my Cancer is terminal. Like all mothers, she refuse to accept that. I could here the quiver in her voice. It broke my heart. My Dad, who is in bad shape is 93. We decided not to tell him. He's happy right now watching his beloved Mets and Yankees. There is nothing he could do to change anything, so I say let him be.
Mom wanted to fly down ASAP to Naples, Florida to see me and I talked her out of it. Too hot and muggy. We decided that she will come in September, when it's cooler.
I have made some new friends! JC, Jennifer and Travis. Thanks for your sound advice. I see Hospice as a way of releaving some pressure off of my wife Rebecca. Thanks for being so straight forward and honest. It means a lot to me.
To Craig and Nancy, my backbone since day one of this ordeal, thanks for always being there for us.
Well, it is thundering and lighting outside right now, so I better shut down.
Peace be with you all and much Love from me to you!
Mark