TGIF

Morning all. Amanda Lynn... I too have Neuropathy and take that horse pill Neurontin 4 times a day. You're not alone. We are all in this together!
It's funny, since I have been sick, I have had the privilege of meeting some really great people. I have reached a point in my life, or in my illness, that I just look the person in the eye and say what I want to say. I'm not cruel, just honest. What are they going to do? Kill me? It's a good feeling talking your mind openly and carefree. I am pissed that I found out so many things about myself so late. I could have been a much better person. I try and do better each day. Help when I can and I smile more. I have found peace and with that comes a calm soul.
Every day that I have on God's Green Earth is a blessing and I treat it as such. The Lord gave me Rebecca. I am truly blessed.
Have a great weekend! Peace and Love to all.
Happy Halloween!
Mark

Thursday Evening

Mark asked me to write a little something. He has had a rather ok day, but he says his eyes seem blurry today and he couldn't quite take the glare from the computer screen today. He's going to eat dinner with me (a little spaghetti and meatballs), so I'm happy about that. He's in good spirits and he's feeling pretty good today. It's a GREAT day! Love to you all!

Thursday Morning

Mark and I thought you might like to use the widget from the Obama website to see if you will qualify for a tax cut under an Obama administration. Just something new and different on here. Mark is still snuggling under the blankets this morning. This is supposed to be our last day of chilly mornings. It has been rather refreshing. I'm sorry to see them go. Love and Peace to you all!

Obama Tax Calculator Widget

Wednesday

Morning all! Glad to be up and around again. No excuses. I have been in a funk and felt like staying in bed and sleeping.
My brother sent me a link to a pretty cool site. For us old farts who remember what a 45 was.
http://www.oldfortyfives.com/ Enjoy!
If I hear the term Joe The Plumber one more time, I'm going to hang myself.
Nothing really new to report. COLD outside, but enjoyable! The dogs love it and are romping outside as I write this. It was 42 this morning. That's pretty cold for Florida. I'm wearing my robe and Bugs Bunny slippers.
Have a great day all! Thanks for hanging in there with me!
Go Phillie's! Love and Peace to all!
Mark

Tuesday Evening

The nurse came today while I was at work to see Mark. She must have cheered him up, because he was up when I got home, shivering, but up. You see, it's darned COLD here today. Well, for us anyway. He drank a big cup of cream of tomato soup. It warmed my heart while it warmed his body. He's back in bed now, but I'm happy. The nurse left some new medicine for him to try to stop the nausea. We'll see how that works. I'm gonna feed the doggies, feed the kitty, feed the me and go to sleep. I think I can . . . .Love to you all!

Middle of the NIght Monday (or is it Tuesday?)

Can't sleep. Mark is very fitful, in a lot of pain and having bouts of nausea again. The dogs, bless them, keep "checking" on him and he's not tolerating that well tonight either. I decided just to take them all out into the living room and shut the bedroom door, so he can try and rest as much as possible. So, here I am, on the computer at 2:30 in the a.m. I don't know how long he will keep trying to fight this without calling in the nurses again. He is resisting, feeling like this will pass and he'll level out on his own. I'm not so sure. I try very hard to abide by his wishes, but if he continues to decline, not holding down fluids again, and having the severe pain, I'll have to take matters into my own hands. The nurse is not scheduled for her regular visit until Wednesday, but I'm not so sure I want to wait that long. I'll see how tomorrow goes. Pray that we have strength. We both need a little boost of it. Love and Peace to all! NEVER GIVE UP!

Sunday Afternoon

Nice quiet Sunday. Been in bed a lot. That's Rebecca for you. One little siezure and she turns into the commandant, Just going to watch football and not much else anyway today, so bed is ok. Haven't been eating much again. Just no appetite. Amanda, the neuropathy takes some getting used to, The Neurontin I take helps. Peace & Love to all!

Hello all - I made Mark stay in or near the bed most of today. He had a little seizure activity this morning. He is also throwing up a lot again. We have narrowed it down to his morning coffee. The one thing he truly loves, and it is turning on him. We think it's the acid in the coffee. He so looks forward to that big mug and now he's afraid to drink it. This disease is so brutually unfair. Why can't he have a reaction to tea or milk . .. nope, just the coffee. We're watching the campaign stuff wind down and frankly, I'm kinda glad it's almost over. Not that I'm not interested in all of it. I'm just up to my ears in it. Everybody have a great weekend -what's left anyway. Remember you are all loved - even you, Diane. Yep, I know you read but you don't write. We love you too!

TGIF

Morning all! So, who falls asleep in the Hospital Bed? Rebecca. Dead out! I'm glad she enjoyed it!
Harry looks better today. I think he ate a lizard.
Last night we had Bar-B-Q ribs. We like the ones from Costco. There "Corky's" from Memphis.
Nothing really new to report. Still trying to get my headaches under control.
Have a great weekend! Go Philly's!!!!!
Peace and Love
Mark

Thursday Morning

Good Morning! Today I get a Hospital Bed delivered. I'm not thrilled about it, but I hope it will help lower the seizures I'm having in my legs, by keeping my legs higher. I also get very dizzy getting in and out of bed. So, hopefully this will help.
Rebecca is feeling better. The heat down here has finally broken. Today it will rain most of the day and we need it. A cool front comes through tonight.
Harry looks a bit better today. He ate a little last night and ran otside after our neighbors horse. I prey he's OK.
Peace and Love to all! Never give up!
Mark

Wednesday Morning

Morning all! I'm worried about Rebecca. She just won't slow down. It's like talking to a wall sometimes. I can't get too mad, she gets it from me.
Sometimes you can look in the mirror 100 times and not really "see" your face. I just noticed a bit of swelling around my left eye socket. The pain is there, feels like an impacted wisdom tooth. The Doctor said I may loose my sight in that eye. I try hard not to think of such things and keep on keeping on. Only the pain reminds me of my situation. I take as many meds as I feel will see me through the pain. If I take the full correct dose, I'm a Zombie for the entire day.
Voting felt GREAT!!!! I hope you ALL go early and enjoy that feeling!
Today I'm going to watch Harry carefully. I hope he comes out of his funk. Lord, I love this dog!
Peace and Love to all. Mark

Tuesday Evening

Thought I would write tonight. Mark describes his headache today as 3 on the 1 - 10 scale. He tried to sleep this afternoon, but I don't think he was too successful. He looks tired. What is very odd to me is that the skin around his left eye (the area of the tumor) is now discolored and he looks like I socked him in the eye. The texture of the skin has changed a little, too. The doctors don't seem to think it's anything to worry about, but it is very disturbing to me. It's a visible sign of how badly he feels. I must admit that I am not sleeping well again. I just can't turn off my mind. I am hesitant to depend on any medication, but some nights I just have to take something, or I am almost too tired to work. I can't afford to let myself slip at work. I can't afford to let my self slip here at home either. So, I sigh deeply, and trudge on. Harry, our chocolate lab, is not doing too well right now either. I want to hope it's just because he ate a lizard or something. He didn't eat his dinner last night and shows no interest in eating tonight either. Up until yesterday afternoon, he was fine. Anybody who knows Harry knows him turning down food is not normal. We'll watch him and hope that his appetite returns.
Mark and I have voted. What a really good feeling. I really do feel that every vote counts and we are glad we have done our civic duty. Everybody - get out and vote. Let your voice be heard. Don't think somebody else will do it for you.
Have a great evening! Peace and love to all - and NEVER GIVE UP!

Monday

It's 5 AM and I'm up and walking around! We went to a "Beach Blanket Party/ Low Country Boil" yesterday and it lasted longer than I thought it would. We didn't leave until the Rays beat the Red Sox! HA! A good time was had by all.
I have a splitting headache, but will ride it out. Probably from acting so stupid yesterday. I'm not a drinker anymore. 4 Corona's and a few Margaretta's can wipe me out. It did fell good being "normal" even though the payback is this headache.
I think I'll lie down and try to sleep. Rebecca is snoring away!
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Sunday Afternoon

Hello to all. We are having a beautiful, almost fall-like day here and the house is peaceful and quiet. Mark is napping, as he is having a great deal of pain around his left eye today. I am helping him compose a letter to thank the administration and staff of the Frances Georgeson Hospice House for all the care and compassion they showed during his recent visit. It is important to Mark that they know how much their caring treatment meant to him. He also wants to tell the "people at the top" how the nurses and couselors who visit us at home are making this time of anxiety much easier for him. I hope all of you are having a beautiful weekend too. Our love goes to each of you and we are thinking of you constantly. NEVER GIVE UP!

Saturday Morning

Good morning all! A special hello to Kaylee and Amanda Lynn. Kaylee, I left you a message on your blog. I hope you read it. Amanda, thanks for sharing.
An update for the new people. I have been through 45 radiation treatments and chemo twice. I decided in my 2nd. chemo that it was not worth it anymore. The chemo was killing me mentally and physically faster than the cancer was. I couldn't eat, sleep, vomiting all the time and just going around being a SOB blaming everyone for living around me. The cancer has spread into my spinal cord causing seizures in my legs and arms.
I had a choice. Chemo would extend my life maybe, MAYBE 2 or 3 years. OR, stop chemo and enjoy what I have for my remaining 12 to 18 months. It was a hard choice. My wife and I sat down and talked for hours on end. I remembered a line from the movie Sawshank Redemption: "Get busy living or get busy dying". I chose life.
It's not the quantity of life, but the quality! Pain? Yes. Pills? They help, along with some "herbs" from a friend down the road. I do not feel I made the wrong decision. I'm living and loving my wife and have made some incredible friends on this blog! I hope you are a new one.
I will never give up! Never! But I will also never give up on living my life to the fullest extent I can.
If ever anyone needs to talk you can E-mail me direct at mcp12148@yahoo.com or CALL me at 239-530-2144. If I don't answer, I'm walking my dogs!
We are NOT alone! We are all tied together! Please remember that.
Peace and Love to all! Mark

TGIF

Good morning all.... I'm baaaaack! Good to be sitting at home again. I put a new picture up of me.
I must say that Avow Hospice was one great place! I hated to be there, but the people were wonderful! They made me feel so special and they were all very caring. The Hospice was set up like a hotel room and not a hospital. Very cozy, private rooms with patios overlooking a big lake. Rooms more like a Ramada Inn then a hospital. A/C, Cable TV, even the food was good!
I have to admit, I felt a certain calm after leaving yesterday. Knowing that my "end of days" will be in such a loving and peaceful place.
Today I am doing nothing! My nurse should be here anytime now and afterwords I may take a nap or jump into my spa. Nice and mellow!
World Series: Rays vs Phillies. I'll take the Phillies!
Have a blessed weekend and thanks for all your prayers!
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Thursday!

Hooray! He's home. The doggies, the kitty and I are thrilled. I brought Mark home about 12:00 p.m. today. He's doing so much better. He said to tell you he will nap for a while and he might be able to blog for himself a little later today. If not, then tomorrow. Thanks for the extra prayers - they helped! Love to all of you!

Wednesday Midday

Hi all - I stopped this morning on my way to work to see my honey and went up at lunch time. He must be feeling better - he had all the nurses laughing. He looks better. His color is much better and he says he actually ate a few bites of solid food at lunch - the verdict isn't in on whether or not it will stay down. As I was leaving, he said he felt a little queasy, but he was trying. I am guessing they will keep him tonight and if he is holding the food, and the pain is under control, he's come home tomorrow. My poor baby. We don't use the AC at our house (bills are just not do-able), so when he got there last night, he was freezing. The air is set pretty low there and when I saw him this morning, he was in a cocoon of blankets. By the time he leaves, he'll be miserable at our house again. Good news is, we are getting a weak cold front over the weekend and it's supposed to be pretty mild. Well - I'll let you guys all know how it's going. Just remember - NEVER GIVE UP!

Tuesday Night

After two days of not being able to keep down even water, let alone his meds, we made the decidion tonight to have Mark check into the Hospice facility here for a couple of days so they can try to regulate his meds and stop the constant nausea. He is wrestling with decision, as he is fearful of the move, thinking he won't be coming home. I know better. The doctor decided the environment there would make it easier to find the right level of meds to get him back to where he's more comfortable. Kissing him good night and leaving was the hardest thing I've had to do so far. But he was already feeling better, and I know with a day or so there, he'll be back home and doing much better. We need to try to get some nutrition in him and have it stay. I'll keep you all up-dated. Please say an extra prayer tonight. Please God, let him rest comfortably and keep his positive attitude. I love him so. NEVER, EVER GIVE UP!

Monday Afternoon

Mark has been in bed all day today. His headaches are getting worst, vomiting constantly and it is hard for him to talk without feeling pain. The left side of his face is the main problem right now. His leg seizures makes it hard to walk. He is staying strong and still has that cutting dry humour! Never give up! Peace and Love to all!

Sunday

Morning! I'm feeling better today. Maybe because Florida crushed LSU last night! I'm also rooting for the Phillies to beat the Dodgers. LOVE to see the Rays beat the Sox!
Most of my pain is coming from the left side of my face, my eye socket down to my jaw area. This makes it very hard to talk and chew food. Nothing is really helping. Trying not to think about it and carry on. Easier said than done.
Rebecca is still sleeping (thank the Lord for that). The woman amaze me. She never complains and takes all in stride. I can be a real ass sometimes and she just smiles. I wish all of you could know her. She is a saint.
Have a great weekend and may the Lord bless you all!
Peace and Love Mark

Saturday Night

Good quiet day. Headache is taking over so I'm going to bed early. Nothing on tv anyway. Everybody have a great weekend and remember all of you are cherished. Peace and love!

Friday Evening Up-Date

I told you all I would let you know the outcome of my quest to get Mark Lifeline services (a/k/a "I've fallen and I can't get up"). It would seem that in the infinite wisdom of Medicaid, the service is not covered if the recipient is diagnosed as terminal. After all, why waste taxpayer money on somebody who's going to die???? When the Medicaid staffer told me that, I was speechless for a few minutes. Talk about compassion and caring when working with the public! Well, suffice to say, at this time, we won't be getting the service. I have made Mark promise me that he will carry a phone in his pocket when he's walking around the house for any significant length of time. Hopefully, if he falls, he will still be able to dial. My God - I guess I'm still really angry. I needed to vent and you guys got it. But, as our friend Nancy is so quick to say . . ."Life is good!" We'll just buck up and move on. We NEVER GIVE UP!

TGIF

Morning all! Feeling pretty good today. No real pain and my limbs seem to be working. Rebecca nearly jumped and hit the ceiling this morning when she saw a movie coming out from one of her favorite books. Something about Bees. A chick flick. I keep begging her to get out of the house and enjoy herself more. She just keeps sitting looking at like I'm going to fall over dead if she leaves. Lord, this woman is amazing!
It has been a tradition with us to deep fry a Turkey for Thanksgiving. With peanut oil going for $10 a gallon and I need 5 gallons, it would cost more than 2 times the cost of the Turkey to cook. So, this year we will go to Honey Baked for our Ham and a friend will deep fry our Turkey and I'll pay for 2.5 gallons of the oil.
I found an old picture of Rebecca with Mike Bolton. She used to work for him. Now I got to stare at it all day! UGH!
Have a blessed weekend all!
Peace and Love
Mark

Thursday

Morning! Not feeling very up to par today. Very tired. My neighbors horse "Coco" every now and then comes over to our fence line and taunts the dogs. Coco starts to whinny and the dogs go berserk. Normally I don't mind, but it started 4:30 this morning.
I couldn't get tickets to see Joe Biden yesterday. It was a packed arena.
Did you see on the news that cop who called Obama by his middle name? Mike Scott. Rebecca is friends with his wife. We were all shocked when he did what he did.
Today I'm going to make a nice breakfast and try and eat it. My appetite has dwindled to nothing. Even after I eat, I hurl. I have to get used to the Morphine.
As a joke, I started watching "The View". These lady's go crazy! Weird program.
Have a great day all! Peace and Love
Mark

Wednesday

Morning all! Boy, did I sleep! I guess I needed it. My nurse comes today and I'll find out why. To be honest, I know the cancer is growing. I can feel the left side of my face in more pain than I ever had before. My neck is stiff and my arms and legs are loosing feeling. My nerve endings feel like they are on fire. I'm taking more meds than ever before. It's only going to get worse, but I keep sitting in the Sun and walking my Dogs. Think positive! Never Give Up!
Peace and Love to all
Mark

Tuesday Night

Just a quick note to let you guys know that Mark has been sleeping all day (in between bouts of throwing up). His nurse comes tomorrow. I don't yet know what she will suggest to address these developments. He is taking so much pain medication and not eating well (not counting his GREAT weekend), so I think its a reaction to the strength of the meds. I'm going to sit with him and watch the debate. So he or I will update you tomorrow. Love and peace to all - NEVER GIVE UP!

Monday

Hi all! Sorry I'm so late today. Sara Palin was in my area today about 3 miles away. I went and protested. The place where she went in Naples (my town), the only "Joe Six Pack" you'll see will be cutting the lawn. The arena she filled in Fort Myers, the next city North, was filled with High School kids, who got extra credit for going. "Scoccer Mom's" were given signs and t-shirts to wear. All the kids went! Thousands! All to young to vote! What a sham!
Peace and Love
Very tired. More tomorrow.
Mark

Sunday Morning

Morning! Wow! What a great day yesterday! James (#1 son) came down with his new girlfriend and we all went to a Japanese Steak house. I had steak and scallops. The food was incredible. Add a few My-ties and I felt no pain until I woke this morning with a headache. A great time was had by all.
Craig's flight left this morning at 5AM. Will's leave at 5PM tonight. I fell very honored that they came down. Looking ahead.... I asked James for permission to marry his Mother again on our anniversary March 4 of next year! She said yes as did James. It's a long way away, but I have something to work towards!
Today I'm just going to take it easy and relax.
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Saturday

Hi all. A busy, beautiful morning for me. I decided to have an old fashion Jewish ceremony today. It is called a "Mikvah". It is the equivalent of a Baptism. Keep in mind, that John the Baptist was a Jewish Rabbi. With the help of many, we found the old text and held the ceremony this morning. I used my Spa as the pool. I was dunked 3 times and Jewish prayers read. My spiritual guides are my wife Rebecca and Lori Becker, the Chaplin, a true gem of a person. It was a very moving, very emotional and physical experience.
I thought of all of my friends on line. I truly feel blessed. My soul is cleansed and I feel reborn!
A special thanks to Nancy, Craig, Will, Lori and my good wife Rebecca! Will and Craig flew down from Michigan to attend. It just amazed me! I will always cherish this day. I also wish to send out a prayer to Dennis and Teresa, who could not attend due to an emergency in the family.
You all were and are with me in spirit, I thank you so very much!
Peace and Love Mark

TGIF

Morning! I went to my Doctor today. He said I was doing "fine" ... considering. I gained 10 pounds, thanks to the "munchies." I think he's worried about my increasing headaches. All in all, I get a passing grade this time.
It's weird going into the offices and seeing some of my old chemo friends. You say hello and wonder if this is the last time you'll see them. Some look good, some terrible. You lie and tell them how good they look. They know you lied, but they just smile back and say thanks.
The heat of the morning has worn me out. I have to lie down.
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Thursday Morning

I'm going to post for Mark today - he's not feeling up to snuff and asked that I do this for him today. I think, personally, he saving all his strenght to hiss and boo at the tv tonight in the VP debate. He wanted me to be sure and give kudos and great thanks to Nancy for coming over last night and helping me clean my deck and spa. I haven't had the energy or gumption to do it for so long it was an attrocious mess. So thanks, Nancy - we love you.
I am again fighting the system to try to get Mark a Lifeline connection that I have been told will be paid for by Medicaid. Now, everybody but Medicaid seems to know just what I am talking about - even the Lifeline people. However, I have talked to at least four different Medicaid reps and they all have their fingers up their noses and can't seem to figure out how to help me. Give me strength!!!! I'll let you all know how it turns out.
Our own personal touch with the economic meltdown: My son, who has worked very hard over the years to have stellar credit (810 score - not shabby), found a condo here in Florida to buy. It was a short sale (the bank had to agree to the sales price and to take a bit of a loss on the original loan), which they ultimately did. HOWEVER, during all the "crap" that has surfaced over the past two weeks, the requirement for him to buy the condo has gone from 5% down to 10% down to 20% down (all on a $60,000 loan), followed by "we won't make the loan at all - it's not you, it's Fannie Mae." Seems there is a previously little used provision for Fannie Mae underwriting that says that the criteria for determining if a loan will be made on a condo is "what a comparable unit IN THE SAME COMPLEX has sold for in the past 12 months." Anybody who hasn't had their head under a rock knows that nothing has sold down here (or anywhere else for that matter) for more than a year. So, they are refusing to loan at all because they don't have a comparable. That's all well and good - hooray for rules - but he was told about this three days before closing was scheduled. His furniture was in the moving van and he had already given notice at his rental. (Don't worry - he's not under a bridge somewhere - not that they care). He has been given some insight on a way to fight this, and he will, at significant expense to himself, be doing so, because if he can win the fight, he can help out a lot of condo owners here who will be sitting on assets worth absolutely nothing - not just the devaluation they thought they had experienced. I'll also let you all know how this turns out.
Okay - I'm done - have a great day. We are getting ready for a visit from our son from Michigan - a quick trip in over the weekend. Be blessed and NEVER GIVE UP!

Wednesday

This morning was"kill all spiders day." After heavy rains, spiders come in from outside. These spiders are about the same size as a VW! Rebecca hates them and I spent the early morning killing the creepy crawlers.
My nurse with hospice wants to put me on stronger pain meds. Liquid morphine. I'm against that. It would make me more of a sleeping vegetable than I am now. At this time, I would rather put up with some pain and be able to function more on my own. With the holidays starting soon I want to be able to enjoy them. Hopefully I will.
Peace and Love to all! Happy New Year to my fellow tribal members.
Mark