Very Early Tuesday Morning

Whew! I am home. Flying standby at Christmas is an adventure! It took two and one-half days to make it to Salt Lake City. We landed Christmas morning at about 8:30 a.m. (their time) and it began to snow as soon as we got in the car. It then snowed 24 inches! Everybody thought I was nuts because I kept going out on the porch and standing in the blizzard, watching the beautiful snow flakes. It felt amazing. Going there was the absolute right thing to do. We left there this morning about 6:00 a.m., and after waiting all day in the Atlanta airport, were able to get on the last flight on the night back home. So, I am here - my dogs are so very happy. I must say they were very lovingly cared for in my absence by "Aunt Nancy." But I am getting an awful lot of slobbery kisses.

I thought about all of you on Christmas, when I had some quiet time. I spent some time by myself, looking out of the window at the majestic snow-covered mountains and felt God closer than ever. I had a long talk with him. I thanked him for all of you and I thanked him for the wonderful years I had with Mark.

It was very difficult to walk back in here tonight, not having that beautiful smiling face to greet me. I know in my heart that he went with me to Utah, though, so I am at peace.

My love to all of you. May 2009 be a good year for all of you. You remain in my heart everyday!

Friday Night

I am having a very rough night. My emotions have spilled over and I can't seem to stop crying. Friday nights were our special night of the week. I always got a call about 3:00 p.m., so we could decide what special thing I would bring home for dinner. Even when Mark was only doing Boost, we planned Friday nights and he would at least try to eat something. Tonight, I dragged myself home and just sat in the chair. I know I could pick up the phone and call a lot of different people. They would be here in a flash. But, I just can't do that. I am not sure how to handle this profound sense of loss tonight. It's therapeutic for me just to write this down and go back and read it. I know you will all understand. Mark was my best friend. We understood each other very well, and he always knew just what to say. He'd make his "little boy" face, make me smile and give me a hug. I miss him. I am having a great deal of trouble envisioning all the Friday nights to come. I know I'll learn to handle it, but right now, I am overwhelmed. My poor doggies aren't quite sure what to do. I have had many dog kisses tonight. They are trying to console me. So, I'm gonna give them all a special hug and a couple of extra cookies. They make me smile through the tears. Sorry if I am rambling, but working through this in this way will help me. My love to you all - tomorrow will be better. I am going to shop for a few warm clothes - I am going to Utah to see my granddaughter for Christmas. My gift from my sons and Becca is the trip to be with her. I'll let you all know how this almost Florida native does in the frigid weather. Hugs!

All My Thanks!

All of the warm wishes and condolences are so truly appreciated. I have decided that I will continue to blog for a while here, to let everybody know how very much I appreciate you. I have passed all of your messages on to Mark's family, and they too want to thank you for your support of me and all the love and support you gave to Mark. I wish there was a magical way to have all of you in a room somewhere, so I could meet you and give you all the hugs I have for you. Since that's not possible, these virtual hugs are headed your way. Again, each message makes my spirit soar. You are wonderful people. To each of you fighting your own personal battles, I pass along Mark's message: NEVER (EVER) GIVE UP! Rebecca

In Memory of Mark

Mark lost his fight this morning at 6:00 a.m. I wanted all of you to see just how happy he was on Saturday and how much his brother's visit meant to him. His twinkling eyes and beautiful smile will be among the fondest memories I have. I wanted all of you, his cyber family, to know how much you all meant to him. He loved posting and he loved reading all your comments.

Let me rest in the arms of slumber, for my open eyes are tired; Let the silver-stringed lyre quiver and soothe my spirit; Weave from the harp and lute a veil around my withering heart.

Dry your tears, my friends, and raise your heads as the flowers raise their crowns to greet the dawn. Look at the bride of death standing like a column of light etween my bed and the infinite; Hold your breath and listen with me to the beckoning rustle of Her white wings.

The songs of the waves and the hymns of the streamsAre scattered, and the voices of the throngs reduced to silence;And I can hear naught but the music of eternityiIn exact harmony with the spirit's desires.I am cloaked in full whiteness;I am in comfort; I am in peace.
By: Kahlil Gibran

He slipped into sleep and his pain is gone. For that, I am grateful. I love him with all my heart and I will miss him so.

My love to all of you,

Rebecca

Monday Night

I am back home for a while, after spending the day at Mark's bedside. He is fighting as hard as he can, but his body is beginning to shut down. He is still running a very high temperature, and he has not been conscious since we to0k him there yesterday. He is resting comfortably, and the wonderful nurses and doctors at hospice have assured me that I have done the right thing. He feels no pain. I am taking care of our doggies and kitty. I am going to try to sleep a little, but will be leaving here to go back to his side. I love him so, and I want him to know I am with him. I have talked to him all day, stroked his face and held his hand. I know he is at peace. I will up-date you tomorrow sometime. Our love to all of you!

Monday Morning

Late yesterday afternoon, Mark had to be transported back to hospice. He is slipping in and out of consciousness and at one point yesterday, really didn't know who any of us were. He is running a high fever and when awake, is highly agitated and restless. The visiting nurse thought this was best, especially since every time he woke, he wanted to try to get up and walk. I simply could not handle him physically. Even with his brother and cousin, it was all we could do to help him sit up and then, he would go out again and we'd lay him back on the bed.

I will keep posting with whatever news I get. I'm on my way there and I plan to spend most of the day. Please kick the prayers into high gear. I am putting this in God's hands.

I love you all.

Rebecca

Saturday Night

Today was a good day. Mark , Jerry (his brother) and Joann (Jerry's wife) had a wonderful visit. While I tended to things in the kitchen, I heard them remembering and laughing. It did my heart good to hear that. Mark is very weak and very unstable, but the 24-hour nursing has been pulled, as he is no longer considered to be "in crisis." So it's just us - our little family of four dogs, one cat and two humans. Mark's regular assigned nurse, Marie, has told me that he now can not be left alone. I am in a very bad dilemma. I can not afford to leave my job to stay home with him and I just don't know what to do. He understands the need, but is fiercely independent and still reluctant to take any precautionary steps other than a now more frequent use of the wheelchair. Everyone's greatest fear is continued falls, because while he hasn't been seriously injured so far, we certainly have no guarantees about any future falls. I'm going to contact his social worker, Josie, to see if she has any suggestions. She is the one I turn to for resources.

We also had a lovely visit from my son James and his friend, Nicole. They brought down food they had prepared for me, knowing we had company this weekend. What thoughtful, loving children! James didn't feel too well. He thinks he may have had some undercooked food at dinner last night and he felt nauseous, but he came anyway.

Tomorrow, Jerry and Joann will be back and we will be joined by Steve (Mark's cousin who was here for Thanksgiving) and his beautiful wife. It will be another wonderful day I am sure. I am going to prepare dinner for everybody. I have planned a pot roast with carrots, potatoes and mushrooms, and the baked ziti that James and Nicole brought. We'll all gain about 10 pounds!

We send our love out to our growing cyber family. How wonderful to see each and every one of you. I'll keep you posted and Mark will contribute as he has the strength. NEVER GIVE UP!

A friend on line sent me this video.
I hope all you old farts enjoy it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvH6fxP5hMo
Paul McCartney
Phil Collins
Ringo
Eric Clapton
Bob Dylan
George Harrison Son
among others...

I took another fall last after noon. My blood pressure went down to 80/50. Now I have a nurse with me 24/7. She watches me like a hawk.
My brother will be here on the 6th. (Saturday.) I'm looking forward to that!
Now you are all up to date.

TO JEN: Thank you for so many new friends! You are unbelievable!
Peace and Love to all..... Mark

Thursday Night Up-date

God is good. Mark is actually sitting up, watching tv with his nurse right now. The concensus of opinion is that he had some swelling in the area of the tumor that was causing the problems this morning, and the swelling has gone down. He walked (with help) into the bathroom and then ran us out. He isn't interested in eating but did have a couple of Boosts. So, unless something changes again, the nurses will only stay for 24 hours and then they will decided if they are still needed. Thanks for the prayers!!!!!

Thursday Evening

Today has been a very long, difficult day. We have had to bring in the Hospice Crisis Care Unit. Mark is deteriorating and is now primarily bedfast. This happened very quickly. He had a fall again last night (at about 3:00 a.m) but was able to get himself up and into the bed. He is not able to do that now. He has a lot of pain in his back and hips. We are not completely certain he didn't damage something, but he does not want to go back to the hospice facility. I had no choice but to call in the 24-hour help, as I can't help him by myself. He is unable to sit up unassisted, or to drink, take his meds or much of anything else. He has rested relatively comfortably today, but is heavily medicated. We are going to watch over the next couple of days for signs of improvement. Please pray with me that he improves. The nurses are wonderful, patient and kind. We are doing everything we can. I love you all and Mark sends his love too! PLEASE, NEVER GIVE UP!

Tuesday Evening

You may have noticed no posts from Mark for a couple of days. The excitement and joy of Thanksgiving wore him out. He has been very weak and tired for the past few days. Unfortunately, he has fallen twice and while nothing is broken, it's still taking a toll on him. He is conserving his strength for this weekend's visit with his brother. Each little goal to us is a huge goal to him. I applaud each day as a victory. I'm sure he'll be back here tomorrow or Thursday with his own up-date, but I wanted to fill everybody in. Keep remembering us in your prayers. We love you all!

Part 1 of MTV Jam. Hope you like it. My brother is on Organ and Piano.

Mark

Part 2. This was a jam session for MTV at my brothers New York production studios "Headroom".

Mark

Sunday

Morning all. Well, I have to admit, Bama' kicked butt last night! Auburn looked like a bunch of High School kids running around around out there.
We expect heavy rain today. Matter of fact it's pouring now. We need it.
Rebecca is still sleeping (10am.) I'm watching Sportscenter getting ready for the NFL. (Rams/Dolphins & Denver/Jets.)
All the leftovers are gone. The dogs made sure of that! I'm still full with turkey and ham!
A special note to Nancy: your Cinnamon Ice Cream was outrageously good! Thanks for finishing off a perfect meal!
Time for breakfast. Something light. Bagel and Cream Cheese sounds OK.
My love to all and many hugs! Have a wonderful and blessed Sunday.
Peace and Love
Mark

Saturday

Hi all! Welcome home James! Hope you had a great trip! Glad to hear you brought home sand.... Lord knows we don't have enough in Florida!
Carol: My E-mail address is my Birthday. Mark CP 1/21/48. I'll be an old fart of 61 soon. I'm all ready yelling at kids to get off my lawn! : ) Don't worry about about not liking Jimmy Buffett. He's and acquired taste, like brussel sprouts.
My neighbor received 6 months probation for growing his herb in his backyard shed. I guess it was a good thing one of his "clients" was the Judges son. There is an old Floridian saying down here: "come on vacation, leave on probation."
Nothing else really to report. I'm going out and walk my dogs then watch football.
Big hugs to all! May the light of the Lord shine on you all day!
Peace and Love
Mark & Rebecca

Friday

Morning all. We had a great day yesterday, hope everyone did.
So my cousin and I got into this music decision. Sure, we all have favorite songs that we won't admit to. But when we are alone in the car or home, we crank it up to ten and rock out. These are my 10 songs, NOT albums. No right or wrong. I guess you can see I'm bored today:
Bye Bye Miss American Pie ... Don McClain
A Pirate Looks At 40 ... Jimmy Buffett
A Day In The Life .... Beatles
Moondance .... Van Morrison
The Boxer .... Simon and Garfunkel
Maybe I'm Amazed ... McCartney
In My Life ... Beatles
Symphony For The Devil .... Stones
Maggie's Farm .... Dylan
Street Fighting Man .... Stones

I guess I'm stuck in the 60's and 70's. Burger/French Fries with Gravy. Chocolate Malts, Grilled Cheese with Bacon. Real Southern Fried Chicken.
Hoping all have a great and blessed day!
Peace and Love
Mark

Turkey Day #2

7:00 PM and still going strong. Picking at the ham bone and getting ready for the Apple Pie. My belt is loose, a Jimmy Buffett CD is playing, and everybody is smiling. The food was great!
Carol: I stopped by your Blog and I am flattered. Thank you so very much for the kind words. I hope one day we could all meet. That would be a great hug-fest.
Peace and a full stomach to all!
Mark & Rebecca

Turkey Day

Morning all! Happy Thanksgiving! May the lord watch over you and give us all peace and happiness. Especially"the forgotten"; those under bridges and living in cardboard boxes.
So, I wake up, take a shower and immediately fall right on my butt and head! It was a pretty bad fall and had to talk Rebecca out of calling the Ambulance.I'm not going to miss this Thanksgiving for nothing! I have a piece of Dutch Apple Pie with my name on it! : ) Nancy is making some home made Cinnamon Ice Cream which will go great with the pie.
To James and Kevin in Madrid: have a great time today!
To Jen: Scarlet seems to be a fun person. Any friend of of yours is a friend of mine. She has an open invitation to visit.
Well, that's about it from this side of the lake. You are all in my prayers and thoughts.
Peace and Love to all
Mark & Rebecca

Wednesday

Morning all! Running around the house today getting ready for tomorrow. I prey the pain stays away. I want a good day for all. We got everything from the Turkey and Ham to the Mashed Potatoes and Pumpkin Pie.
Wishing everyone a wonderful and blessed day. ENJOY!
Peace and Love to all
Mark

Now It's Tuesday!

A new blogger from Miami! I lived there for 15 years. North Miami Beach (Eastern Shores) by the the 163 St. Bridge. My cousin lives in Surf side. I moved to Naples because Miami was becoming too crowded. Like New York City with Palm Trees. I must admit, I do miss the Rascal House on 183 & Collins. A great Deli.
Today I'm taking it easy. Put on a movie or listen to some music. Just mellow.
To all my friends out there, have a blessed day with much Love and Hugs from Rebecca and myself. We love you all dearly.
Mark

Tuesday Morning ????

Rebecca is looking over my shoulder and just told me it was Monday Night, not Tuesday Morning. I wonered why it was so dark outside.
We had no Internet today. They were "upgrading", which in Florida, a drunk hit a utility pole and blocked out half the city. More tomorrow.
Peace and Love to all Mark

Sunday Evening

Rebecca here - been a while since I have been here - very wonderful to say that. It is so wonderful that Mark is feeling so much better that I can just sit back and watch. I want all of you to know something. I believe in the power of prayer. I truly believe that all of the prayers all of you have been sending heavenward on Mark's behalf have reached God's ears. I wish you could see the difference. In his physical appearance and his emotional state. Like I have said before, all things happen for a reason. That horrific Friday morning has allowed the right medical changes to be made and now, I have so much more of my beloved husband back. Actually, he's annoying with all the energy he has. He's been scurrying around, cleaning out drawers, moving his office stuff around, fiddling with the electronics in here, installing new computer stuff - - - he exhausts me. The only thing I do is encourage him not to overdo - but, the fact that he isn't just sitting in the bedroom, staring at the tv is miraculous. Thank all of you again. You are our little cyber family and we love you.

Good Morning all! What a beautiful day! The nights are cool and the days warm and sunny. Rebecca came back from the beauty parlour looking as beautiful as ever. We had the pleasure of Nancy stopping over last night to say hello. Always nice to see her. I have no idea what to do today. I found my original 1969 Woodstock poster laying around in my garage. I thought after 2 years, I would hang it up along with some other 60's memorabilia.

Sorry about about the Bulldogs Jen.Today, mostly football and reading the New York Times. Rebecca loves the book reviews. I'm in the mood for some coffee and a cheese omelet. Have a blessed day everyone. You're all in my prayers. Peace and love Mark

Saturday

Wow, slept until 1 PM. That's pretty late for me. Rebecca is gone. Hair day I believe. I try to encourage her to get out as much as possible. It's hard for me to get in and out of the car, etc. I just want her to enjoy her time off more.
My bucket list is dwindling down. One left. I'm trying to meet Jimmy Buffett. You would think it would be easy being in his "backyard", but the man is a ghost. So, if any of you have any ideas, feel free to chime in!
Nothing really new to report. Same ol' same ol'. My eyesight (left) is giving me trouble, but I cope with it the best I can. Going to go watch my football games and relax. I hope you all have a blessed day and keep the lord in your heart.
Peace and Love to all!
Mark

TGIF

Yawn! On my first cup of coffee.
To Kaylee: There is an old saying: "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I know how very hard it is to do and easy to say. Try and fill your time with positive things. Some days it works, some not, but the idea is a secure one. There is nothing in the Bible or Constitution that guarantees (that I can find) that gives us any promise of happiness. We can pursue it, but there are no guarantees.That is our own responsibility to ourselves.
There are days I just want to sit in a corner in my closet and let the darkness of the room take over. It proves nothing and takes away precious time you have left.
Every morning (with my coffee #1) I turn to my wife's Bible. I just turn to a page at random and read. Today it was Isaiah 1:18. "...though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow..."I'm always here if you need to talk. You are never alone. All my dear writing buddies are here as I'm as sure The Lord is with us all.
Keep positive, keep your head up high and walk proud that you're in the hands of the lord.
Enough preaching. Time to feed my dogs and go for coffee #2.
May you all have a blessed day.
Peace and Love
Mark

Thursday

Good morning to all. Thank you for all the kind words concerning my video. I'll try again when I get up the nerve. No, I have no "twang" in my voice, after 30 + years on and off in the South. I grew up in Upstate New York (Monticello) and there was a mix of New York, Boston and a sprinkle of Vermont.
I could not have made the video without the encouragement of ALL OF YOU! Knowing I have a responsibility of something, anything to get my skinny butt out of bed and do something positive! No matter how small it seems to others. I love you all.
My nurse will be here in one hour, so I guess I'll go clean up and make myself presentable. I am wishing you all a wonderful, blessed day.
Peace and Love to all
Mark p.s: Rebecca send her love Love and many hugs!

Wednesday Morning

Good morning! I'm still on my first cup of coffee, so please bear with me.
Yesterday was a stress free day with little pain.I hope today will be the same. The Mophine pump seems to be working fine and gives me the boost I need when the pain becomes a bit too strong.
I have tried to make a video today. I hope it works, please let me know! Well, it time to feed the dogs. Have a blessed day and Never give Up! Peace and Love to all! Mark

Tuesday

Good morning all! My trusted dogs decided that it was way past my bedtime and woke me with slobbering kisses. It sounds like a beautiful thing, but it is just a gimmick to get me out of a warm bed so they can cover up and sleep better.
I have decided to swear off news for a while. Between the elections and hours upon hours of rhetoric, it just makes me sicker. I think I'll put on some music and go to the far side of the Moon.
Hoping all have a blessed day. You are all in my prayers and deep thoughts. I could not have done this without all of you. I wish you could feel my Love and Joy for each and everyone one of you!
Peace and Love to all
Mark

Monday again.....

I wanted to share with all of you a very special person in my life.

http://www.loriannbecker.com/index.html

I hope you get to know her.
Mark

Monday Afternon

Hello everyone! Well, I'm back for Hospice and feel pretty good right now. They changed my meds to Prozac, Librium, Oxycontin and a Morphine drip of 20 mg. every 3 hours by the port in my chest. Need a "boost?" hit a button.
TO JEN: You are an amazing woman! Even if you're a Bama" girl! Florida/Bama should be a heck of a fine game! Who ever wins, I'll be happy knowing you and I are enjoying something "together." It will be a nice "link" to you. Like a warm blanet on a cold night! If Bama wins, feel free to call me and rub it in! HA!
Rebecca brought me all the blogs printed out and I was floored by all the beautiful, positive emotions coming off each page. The timing could not have been better. I cried for hours (a good cry.) My Chaplin friend Lori Becker keeps telling me I have "Angels in my corner." After reading these blogs, I must agree with her. I wish I could express my feelings better. A BIG hug to each and everyone of you! You have become very important and special in my life.
I am going to lie down for awhile and catch up on my sleep.
Thank you. Thank you all for your Love and prayers.
Peace be with you all. Have a blessed day
Mark

Sunday Evening

A good day. That's how I'll start this evening. Mark is doing much better. He is weak but he is fighting. He thinks he's coming home tomorrow. They gave me instruction this afternoon on how to monitor his medication pump. The nurse will start coming every other day to fill the pump and to check on him. I took Dixie to see him today. That made him happy. Then I took her to the doggie wash - not as pleasant an experience as was with Pepper. She usually loves water but fought me today. I was soaked, she was soaked - a good time was had by all! Ha Ha!
Thank you everybody for continuing to be there for us. We love you all!

Hi Everybody! Today has been a good one. Mark is coming around nicely. He is astounded and touched by all the postings. I printed them out for him and he said for me to thank everybody, with a special thanks to Jen. He said to tell you that the response to his blog by all your friends has made his jaw drop! Thank you all -thank you all! I want to give great thanks to Nancy, who came over this evening and Rumba'd and Scoba'd our bedroom in anticipation of Mark's return. Those machines are unbelievable! She's a jewel of a friend. Oh, and she went with me to take Pepper, the german shepard, to the pet wash. That was an experience. Pepper is beautiful now and we've got three more to go. All of you have a great rest of the week end and I'll keep you up-dated. Mark is probably going to be there through Monday, but may come home sooner if he continues to progress well. He will come home with the morphine pump, as it seems to be working very well. His doctor is watching closely and is pleased so far. So then are we. Our love to you all! NEVER GIVE UP!

Friday Evening

Where to begin - today was a scary, emotional rollercoaster. When I went in to check on Mark this morning, he told me that "he couldn't feel his face." He said he had lost all sensation around his left eye and his nose. I asked him to let me stay home with him, but he insisted he'd be ok until I got home. Around 10:30, he called me, crying, that the pain was excruciating and that he felt like his face was melting. I jumped in the car, racing home on the cell phone to Hospice. By the time I got home, the nurse and the social worker pulled in behind me. Mark was incoherent and kept asking if he was floating. He said he felt like he could fly. I was scared out of my mind. The pain was so intense that all he could do was cry and keep saying, "they promised me I wouldn't suffer." My heart was breaking. They called the ambulance and took him to the Hospice facility. He also was showing signs again of seizure activity. Once there, they gave him a hypo of valium to stop the seizure and immediately put him on a morphine pump. By the time the doctor made rounds this evening, Mark was sitting up, drank about a half-cup of tomato soup and was able to walk around on his own. The doctor was very frank with us. This could be a two-fold problem. They may find that his liver is no longer processing the morphine. If that's the case, they will wean him off and start him on some other pain medication. This could also be the tumor, advancing into a nerve center and setting off the seizures and the intense pain. They will have to assess how best to control the pain and we will go from there. They told us to expect him to be there about a week. He's taking it all fairly well. This morning was heart-wrenching and incredibly frightening for both of us. He felt that he slipped over his imaginary cliff. But, he still had his parachute. I am printing out all of the wonderful blog visits. His spirits will be lifted. Thank all of you so very much. You can not know how much it means to us both. I will keep you up-dated as I learn things, and hopefully, in about a week, Mark will write here for you. Peace and love to all of you!

Thursday Night

How very special to see you here, Lori! You mean such a great deal to Mark and I. He asked me to write tonight. He has had a rough couple of days. He's been fairly irritable and I attribute that to the increase in the medications. The dogs, who worry so about him and run to him at his every move, are really almost more than anyone can handle. It's not their fault - they are concerned and don't know how else to show it. But four big dogs circling every time you try to go the bathroom or across the bedroom can be a bit much and I think it's starting to get to him. When I'm home, I try to keep them occupied, but there's no one here during the day to give them anything else to do but sit as closely as they can and get under foot. Mark's trying to sleep again now, so I'm going to watch tv out in the living room and that will give him some peace. We love you all and ask that you keep us in your prayers. I don't know if we would have made it so far with so much strength without all of you.

Wednesday

Hi Ya'll! I'm up and "running" around again. The leg was a pain for a few days and I stayed in bed, not wanting to hear Rebecca say "Told ya so".
Jen, feel free to do whatever you wish. Just understand, I don't think of myself as some iconic figure. I'm just a scared man looking for as many hugs as I can get.
Kaylee, don't think about blogging or your emotions, just do it. Let it flow, positive or negitive. You won't be wrong if you're being honest.
You guys in the past few days have really helped me so very much (again)! Sometimes you need help looking at the whole forest and getting off you Butt and go forward.
More tomorrow. Thanks again guys!
Peace and Love
Mark

Tuesday Evening

Mark didn't feel up to posting today. He's been restless with his leg hurting. He hasn't slept well for the past few nights and tries to catch up on his sleep during the day. Today it seems, everybody and his brother felt the need to call between 1 p.m. and 6 p.m., even though we've told everybody not to call then - that's when he tries to nap. So, he's going to try to go to sleep earlier than usual tonight. The leg looks better. I think it's on the mend. Our love to all of you. NEVER GIVE UP!

Monday Morning

Hi all - Mark just called me - they delivered the wheelchair and he's doing ok with it. Seems it's a "black racing wheelchair." Yea, we'll see! He's in much better spirits about it today than yesterday. I read him all of your comments, and he wants me to thank Bev, Nancy, Carol & Travis for their kind and encouraging (and inspirational) words. You guys are the best. I'm sure that with another day's rest, he'll be back here tomorrow to up-date you himself. He can just wheel on over from the bedroom! Peace & Love!

Sunday

Morning all! I have always been proud of the fact that I could control myself and my body. It seems to be a pipe dream again. The fall I took was a bad one and I guess you would call it a wake up call. This one really hurt my pride along with my body.I guess what bothers me the most is I had no control what so ever. None. It was less than a split second and I was down for the count.
One of the many things that keeps me going is (was) my ability to think in real time. "I am" never "I was". I never talk in past tense. "I can", never "I could". It's going to be harder to do that now. They will take X-rays today.
I know I am slipping, but it was something I could put in a bottom drawer and deal with quietly by myself. It seems those days are over. I slipped a bit further down that wet rope I am so desperately holding on to. It is so very hard on Rebecca.
I was always the one who provided. Who took the lead. Now, I must follow. Tomorrow I will be in a wheelchair.
Cancer is not only killing me, but slowly stripping me of my Manhood. Who I am. Or was. I must find a way out of this new funk. Any ideas would be helpful.
Peace and Love to all.
Mark

Saturday Morning

All the while my children were growing up, I used to tell them "everything happens for a reason" when they didn't like the turn of events or questioned a decision I was making. It was a convenient answer. Later on, when sad events happened in our lives, I used that axiom over and over to explain why things that made no sense occurred. As my life has progressed, I have found that off-hand statement to more and more true. I think God's hand is in every move we make, and we just don't give appropriate creedance to that. Thursday at work, I was fine until noon (Nancy, your phone call came around noon . . .ummmm lol), and then progressively I felt really really funky. By 5:00, I was miserable. So, when I was up most of the night sick, Mark said he would call in for me and that I needed to stay home. There was a reason for that. About 2:00 yesterday afternoon, I was laying on the couch, finishing a book and resting. Mark went through the living room to come in to the computer. I heard a mighty crash. I jumped up. Before I could make it in here, I heard another crash. He had fallen - first into the computer desk and then on to the floor, hitting his head on the door jam for the closet. Thankfully, no serious injury. His left knee is swollen and very painful and he has a bump on the left side of his head. But, this was a wake-up call. He says that all of a sudden, he just felt himself falling. I think his balance is getting much worse and his eyesight is probably a little dimmer than he really admits to me. Whatever the cause, he has now got decisions to make about supporting himself as he moves through the house. We have both a cane and walker here, and he will be using one of them from now on. I am thankful I was home. Had I been at work, he might have lain on the floor until I came home. He is so weak, I doubt he would have been able to get up. So, believe me when I say, everything does happen for a reason. I was sick - so I was home when he needed me. He's resting comfortably now. He's probably going to stay in bed most of the day. I do have to go out for some groceries but he promises to use something if he gets up and around. Keep the prayers coming - Somebody up there is listening! We love you! NEVER GIVE UP!

TGIF

Morning all! Rebecca is sick again and spent the night hurling. Believe me, she is very low maintenance, but when she is sick, I do my best to take care of her.
To my blogging friends. If you wish to visit Florida, you have a place to stay with me! I would love to meet some of you, if not all! Just give me a call!
Just a quick note today. Going back inside with Rebecca.
Peace and Love to all!
Mark

Wednesday

Morning all! I'm feeling OK and although my eyes are hurting me, I'll make it though this blog!
To Kaylee! Glad your coming home soon! You're going to go through some changes and if you need to talk or e-mail me direct, I'm here for you always! A BIG hug to you!
I promised my doggies I would take them on a walk. It's about 65 outside and nice walking weather. To all my friends out there: have a blessed day.
Peace and Love to all!
Mark

The Day After the Election!

Whoooo - what a night last night. Are we glad Obama won - yes! More though, are we glad the Democrats won - OH YEA! The significance of the first African American in the White House is not lost on us, but it is more personally significant that we have now in place the real hope for change and correction in the government of our country. We, as a nation, would have been further devasted as a world power and world ecomonic leader under four more years of the now-proven failed policies of the Republicans. I admire John McCain. He has given more for his country than most of its citizens will ever be called upon to give. However, he was no more a proven leader in the types of problems we are facing than is Obama. His alignments were just too close to the status quo and that, we can not survive. So - again - What a Night!

Mark is resting today. His poor eyes are just too much and staying up until midnight was a little more than he should have done, but he wouldn't have missed it. I'm sure he'll post tomorrow and up-date you. His nurse came yesterday and she was somewhat pleased about his leveling off from the pain and nausea. He did have a few bouts yesterday of nausea, but they seem to be further apart. We send all of you our love and wish for peace! NEVER GIVE UP!

Tuesday

Morning all! This is not going to be long. I'm having trouble with my eyes the last few days. I can't focus very well. Everything is fuzzy. Other than that, I feel pretty good today. Rebecca is fine. Still sleeping.
Today is Vote Day! A new page is turned, for good or bad. Only time and the Lord knows for sure. This is the last time I'll be voting and hope my guy can pull it out! My nurse comes this morning. I got to take a shower.
Peace and Love to all
Mark

Monday

Morning all! So, the landlord finally called and will be here tomorrow. We took this house with the option to buy 2 years ago. Mainly because the house was so old (25 years) I thought that things will go wrong and break down. I wanted to see where and what broke before investing my last savings on a lemon of a home. I guess it really doesn't matter, because Rebecca loves it here. We will pick up the option in January. It's a 2 bedroom home on 5 acres. I just do not want it to be too much for Rebecca to handle on her own. She is strong and I'm certain now she will handle it.
1 more day! VOTE!!!!!!
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Sunday Evening

Hi all - Mark had a nice, quiet day. His eyes are still kinda blurry, so he asked me to let you all know he's doing ok but decided he'd give the eyes a rest from the computer screen. He's in the bedroom now, watching the end of the Dolphins game and eating . . .are you ready for this???? Black Raspberry ice cream. Ummmm, sounds like a good day to me. I had a nice day too. I made two loaves of Rachel's Honey Bread. It's Mark's cousin's wife's mother's (that's a mouthful) recipe. I gave a loaf to our wonderful neighbor and his wife. He came over last weekend and mowed my front yard for me. Our landlord is becoming more and more scarce when there are problems. I have been asking for two months for him to fix the lawn mower so I could control the jungle but he only shows up for the rent check and always has something to rush off to. So, I called him yesterday and left a message that the rent money was going to be at the house and he'd have to come here to get it. Let's see if that motivates him. Also, we have been having major problems with water pressure (or lack thereof) so he needs to look at the water pump too. Keep your fingers crossed. Taking a shower in a drizzle of water has not been fun. Love and peace to you all!

Saturday

Morning. Rebecca is sawing wood. Out like a light! I hope she sleeps all day.
I don't have much to say today. No pearls of wisdom. Just thought I'd sit here, put on my headphones and dissapear into the sounds of the 60's. When I feel weird, I listen to Leon Redbone or Tom Waites. Love there voices.
Have a great weekend!
Peace and Love to everyone! Mark

TGIF

Morning all. Amanda Lynn... I too have Neuropathy and take that horse pill Neurontin 4 times a day. You're not alone. We are all in this together!
It's funny, since I have been sick, I have had the privilege of meeting some really great people. I have reached a point in my life, or in my illness, that I just look the person in the eye and say what I want to say. I'm not cruel, just honest. What are they going to do? Kill me? It's a good feeling talking your mind openly and carefree. I am pissed that I found out so many things about myself so late. I could have been a much better person. I try and do better each day. Help when I can and I smile more. I have found peace and with that comes a calm soul.
Every day that I have on God's Green Earth is a blessing and I treat it as such. The Lord gave me Rebecca. I am truly blessed.
Have a great weekend! Peace and Love to all.
Happy Halloween!
Mark

Thursday Evening

Mark asked me to write a little something. He has had a rather ok day, but he says his eyes seem blurry today and he couldn't quite take the glare from the computer screen today. He's going to eat dinner with me (a little spaghetti and meatballs), so I'm happy about that. He's in good spirits and he's feeling pretty good today. It's a GREAT day! Love to you all!

Thursday Morning

Mark and I thought you might like to use the widget from the Obama website to see if you will qualify for a tax cut under an Obama administration. Just something new and different on here. Mark is still snuggling under the blankets this morning. This is supposed to be our last day of chilly mornings. It has been rather refreshing. I'm sorry to see them go. Love and Peace to you all!

Obama Tax Calculator Widget

Wednesday

Morning all! Glad to be up and around again. No excuses. I have been in a funk and felt like staying in bed and sleeping.
My brother sent me a link to a pretty cool site. For us old farts who remember what a 45 was.
http://www.oldfortyfives.com/ Enjoy!
If I hear the term Joe The Plumber one more time, I'm going to hang myself.
Nothing really new to report. COLD outside, but enjoyable! The dogs love it and are romping outside as I write this. It was 42 this morning. That's pretty cold for Florida. I'm wearing my robe and Bugs Bunny slippers.
Have a great day all! Thanks for hanging in there with me!
Go Phillie's! Love and Peace to all!
Mark

Tuesday Evening

The nurse came today while I was at work to see Mark. She must have cheered him up, because he was up when I got home, shivering, but up. You see, it's darned COLD here today. Well, for us anyway. He drank a big cup of cream of tomato soup. It warmed my heart while it warmed his body. He's back in bed now, but I'm happy. The nurse left some new medicine for him to try to stop the nausea. We'll see how that works. I'm gonna feed the doggies, feed the kitty, feed the me and go to sleep. I think I can . . . .Love to you all!

Middle of the NIght Monday (or is it Tuesday?)

Can't sleep. Mark is very fitful, in a lot of pain and having bouts of nausea again. The dogs, bless them, keep "checking" on him and he's not tolerating that well tonight either. I decided just to take them all out into the living room and shut the bedroom door, so he can try and rest as much as possible. So, here I am, on the computer at 2:30 in the a.m. I don't know how long he will keep trying to fight this without calling in the nurses again. He is resisting, feeling like this will pass and he'll level out on his own. I'm not so sure. I try very hard to abide by his wishes, but if he continues to decline, not holding down fluids again, and having the severe pain, I'll have to take matters into my own hands. The nurse is not scheduled for her regular visit until Wednesday, but I'm not so sure I want to wait that long. I'll see how tomorrow goes. Pray that we have strength. We both need a little boost of it. Love and Peace to all! NEVER GIVE UP!

Sunday Afternoon

Nice quiet Sunday. Been in bed a lot. That's Rebecca for you. One little siezure and she turns into the commandant, Just going to watch football and not much else anyway today, so bed is ok. Haven't been eating much again. Just no appetite. Amanda, the neuropathy takes some getting used to, The Neurontin I take helps. Peace & Love to all!

Hello all - I made Mark stay in or near the bed most of today. He had a little seizure activity this morning. He is also throwing up a lot again. We have narrowed it down to his morning coffee. The one thing he truly loves, and it is turning on him. We think it's the acid in the coffee. He so looks forward to that big mug and now he's afraid to drink it. This disease is so brutually unfair. Why can't he have a reaction to tea or milk . .. nope, just the coffee. We're watching the campaign stuff wind down and frankly, I'm kinda glad it's almost over. Not that I'm not interested in all of it. I'm just up to my ears in it. Everybody have a great weekend -what's left anyway. Remember you are all loved - even you, Diane. Yep, I know you read but you don't write. We love you too!

TGIF

Morning all! So, who falls asleep in the Hospital Bed? Rebecca. Dead out! I'm glad she enjoyed it!
Harry looks better today. I think he ate a lizard.
Last night we had Bar-B-Q ribs. We like the ones from Costco. There "Corky's" from Memphis.
Nothing really new to report. Still trying to get my headaches under control.
Have a great weekend! Go Philly's!!!!!
Peace and Love
Mark

Thursday Morning

Good Morning! Today I get a Hospital Bed delivered. I'm not thrilled about it, but I hope it will help lower the seizures I'm having in my legs, by keeping my legs higher. I also get very dizzy getting in and out of bed. So, hopefully this will help.
Rebecca is feeling better. The heat down here has finally broken. Today it will rain most of the day and we need it. A cool front comes through tonight.
Harry looks a bit better today. He ate a little last night and ran otside after our neighbors horse. I prey he's OK.
Peace and Love to all! Never give up!
Mark

Wednesday Morning

Morning all! I'm worried about Rebecca. She just won't slow down. It's like talking to a wall sometimes. I can't get too mad, she gets it from me.
Sometimes you can look in the mirror 100 times and not really "see" your face. I just noticed a bit of swelling around my left eye socket. The pain is there, feels like an impacted wisdom tooth. The Doctor said I may loose my sight in that eye. I try hard not to think of such things and keep on keeping on. Only the pain reminds me of my situation. I take as many meds as I feel will see me through the pain. If I take the full correct dose, I'm a Zombie for the entire day.
Voting felt GREAT!!!! I hope you ALL go early and enjoy that feeling!
Today I'm going to watch Harry carefully. I hope he comes out of his funk. Lord, I love this dog!
Peace and Love to all. Mark

Tuesday Evening

Thought I would write tonight. Mark describes his headache today as 3 on the 1 - 10 scale. He tried to sleep this afternoon, but I don't think he was too successful. He looks tired. What is very odd to me is that the skin around his left eye (the area of the tumor) is now discolored and he looks like I socked him in the eye. The texture of the skin has changed a little, too. The doctors don't seem to think it's anything to worry about, but it is very disturbing to me. It's a visible sign of how badly he feels. I must admit that I am not sleeping well again. I just can't turn off my mind. I am hesitant to depend on any medication, but some nights I just have to take something, or I am almost too tired to work. I can't afford to let myself slip at work. I can't afford to let my self slip here at home either. So, I sigh deeply, and trudge on. Harry, our chocolate lab, is not doing too well right now either. I want to hope it's just because he ate a lizard or something. He didn't eat his dinner last night and shows no interest in eating tonight either. Up until yesterday afternoon, he was fine. Anybody who knows Harry knows him turning down food is not normal. We'll watch him and hope that his appetite returns.
Mark and I have voted. What a really good feeling. I really do feel that every vote counts and we are glad we have done our civic duty. Everybody - get out and vote. Let your voice be heard. Don't think somebody else will do it for you.
Have a great evening! Peace and love to all - and NEVER GIVE UP!

Monday

It's 5 AM and I'm up and walking around! We went to a "Beach Blanket Party/ Low Country Boil" yesterday and it lasted longer than I thought it would. We didn't leave until the Rays beat the Red Sox! HA! A good time was had by all.
I have a splitting headache, but will ride it out. Probably from acting so stupid yesterday. I'm not a drinker anymore. 4 Corona's and a few Margaretta's can wipe me out. It did fell good being "normal" even though the payback is this headache.
I think I'll lie down and try to sleep. Rebecca is snoring away!
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Sunday Afternoon

Hello to all. We are having a beautiful, almost fall-like day here and the house is peaceful and quiet. Mark is napping, as he is having a great deal of pain around his left eye today. I am helping him compose a letter to thank the administration and staff of the Frances Georgeson Hospice House for all the care and compassion they showed during his recent visit. It is important to Mark that they know how much their caring treatment meant to him. He also wants to tell the "people at the top" how the nurses and couselors who visit us at home are making this time of anxiety much easier for him. I hope all of you are having a beautiful weekend too. Our love goes to each of you and we are thinking of you constantly. NEVER GIVE UP!

Saturday Morning

Good morning all! A special hello to Kaylee and Amanda Lynn. Kaylee, I left you a message on your blog. I hope you read it. Amanda, thanks for sharing.
An update for the new people. I have been through 45 radiation treatments and chemo twice. I decided in my 2nd. chemo that it was not worth it anymore. The chemo was killing me mentally and physically faster than the cancer was. I couldn't eat, sleep, vomiting all the time and just going around being a SOB blaming everyone for living around me. The cancer has spread into my spinal cord causing seizures in my legs and arms.
I had a choice. Chemo would extend my life maybe, MAYBE 2 or 3 years. OR, stop chemo and enjoy what I have for my remaining 12 to 18 months. It was a hard choice. My wife and I sat down and talked for hours on end. I remembered a line from the movie Sawshank Redemption: "Get busy living or get busy dying". I chose life.
It's not the quantity of life, but the quality! Pain? Yes. Pills? They help, along with some "herbs" from a friend down the road. I do not feel I made the wrong decision. I'm living and loving my wife and have made some incredible friends on this blog! I hope you are a new one.
I will never give up! Never! But I will also never give up on living my life to the fullest extent I can.
If ever anyone needs to talk you can E-mail me direct at mcp12148@yahoo.com or CALL me at 239-530-2144. If I don't answer, I'm walking my dogs!
We are NOT alone! We are all tied together! Please remember that.
Peace and Love to all! Mark

TGIF

Good morning all.... I'm baaaaack! Good to be sitting at home again. I put a new picture up of me.
I must say that Avow Hospice was one great place! I hated to be there, but the people were wonderful! They made me feel so special and they were all very caring. The Hospice was set up like a hotel room and not a hospital. Very cozy, private rooms with patios overlooking a big lake. Rooms more like a Ramada Inn then a hospital. A/C, Cable TV, even the food was good!
I have to admit, I felt a certain calm after leaving yesterday. Knowing that my "end of days" will be in such a loving and peaceful place.
Today I am doing nothing! My nurse should be here anytime now and afterwords I may take a nap or jump into my spa. Nice and mellow!
World Series: Rays vs Phillies. I'll take the Phillies!
Have a blessed weekend and thanks for all your prayers!
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Thursday!

Hooray! He's home. The doggies, the kitty and I are thrilled. I brought Mark home about 12:00 p.m. today. He's doing so much better. He said to tell you he will nap for a while and he might be able to blog for himself a little later today. If not, then tomorrow. Thanks for the extra prayers - they helped! Love to all of you!

Wednesday Midday

Hi all - I stopped this morning on my way to work to see my honey and went up at lunch time. He must be feeling better - he had all the nurses laughing. He looks better. His color is much better and he says he actually ate a few bites of solid food at lunch - the verdict isn't in on whether or not it will stay down. As I was leaving, he said he felt a little queasy, but he was trying. I am guessing they will keep him tonight and if he is holding the food, and the pain is under control, he's come home tomorrow. My poor baby. We don't use the AC at our house (bills are just not do-able), so when he got there last night, he was freezing. The air is set pretty low there and when I saw him this morning, he was in a cocoon of blankets. By the time he leaves, he'll be miserable at our house again. Good news is, we are getting a weak cold front over the weekend and it's supposed to be pretty mild. Well - I'll let you guys all know how it's going. Just remember - NEVER GIVE UP!

Tuesday Night

After two days of not being able to keep down even water, let alone his meds, we made the decidion tonight to have Mark check into the Hospice facility here for a couple of days so they can try to regulate his meds and stop the constant nausea. He is wrestling with decision, as he is fearful of the move, thinking he won't be coming home. I know better. The doctor decided the environment there would make it easier to find the right level of meds to get him back to where he's more comfortable. Kissing him good night and leaving was the hardest thing I've had to do so far. But he was already feeling better, and I know with a day or so there, he'll be back home and doing much better. We need to try to get some nutrition in him and have it stay. I'll keep you all up-dated. Please say an extra prayer tonight. Please God, let him rest comfortably and keep his positive attitude. I love him so. NEVER, EVER GIVE UP!

Monday Afternoon

Mark has been in bed all day today. His headaches are getting worst, vomiting constantly and it is hard for him to talk without feeling pain. The left side of his face is the main problem right now. His leg seizures makes it hard to walk. He is staying strong and still has that cutting dry humour! Never give up! Peace and Love to all!

Sunday

Morning! I'm feeling better today. Maybe because Florida crushed LSU last night! I'm also rooting for the Phillies to beat the Dodgers. LOVE to see the Rays beat the Sox!
Most of my pain is coming from the left side of my face, my eye socket down to my jaw area. This makes it very hard to talk and chew food. Nothing is really helping. Trying not to think about it and carry on. Easier said than done.
Rebecca is still sleeping (thank the Lord for that). The woman amaze me. She never complains and takes all in stride. I can be a real ass sometimes and she just smiles. I wish all of you could know her. She is a saint.
Have a great weekend and may the Lord bless you all!
Peace and Love Mark

Saturday Night

Good quiet day. Headache is taking over so I'm going to bed early. Nothing on tv anyway. Everybody have a great weekend and remember all of you are cherished. Peace and love!

Friday Evening Up-Date

I told you all I would let you know the outcome of my quest to get Mark Lifeline services (a/k/a "I've fallen and I can't get up"). It would seem that in the infinite wisdom of Medicaid, the service is not covered if the recipient is diagnosed as terminal. After all, why waste taxpayer money on somebody who's going to die???? When the Medicaid staffer told me that, I was speechless for a few minutes. Talk about compassion and caring when working with the public! Well, suffice to say, at this time, we won't be getting the service. I have made Mark promise me that he will carry a phone in his pocket when he's walking around the house for any significant length of time. Hopefully, if he falls, he will still be able to dial. My God - I guess I'm still really angry. I needed to vent and you guys got it. But, as our friend Nancy is so quick to say . . ."Life is good!" We'll just buck up and move on. We NEVER GIVE UP!

TGIF

Morning all! Feeling pretty good today. No real pain and my limbs seem to be working. Rebecca nearly jumped and hit the ceiling this morning when she saw a movie coming out from one of her favorite books. Something about Bees. A chick flick. I keep begging her to get out of the house and enjoy herself more. She just keeps sitting looking at like I'm going to fall over dead if she leaves. Lord, this woman is amazing!
It has been a tradition with us to deep fry a Turkey for Thanksgiving. With peanut oil going for $10 a gallon and I need 5 gallons, it would cost more than 2 times the cost of the Turkey to cook. So, this year we will go to Honey Baked for our Ham and a friend will deep fry our Turkey and I'll pay for 2.5 gallons of the oil.
I found an old picture of Rebecca with Mike Bolton. She used to work for him. Now I got to stare at it all day! UGH!
Have a blessed weekend all!
Peace and Love
Mark

Thursday

Morning! Not feeling very up to par today. Very tired. My neighbors horse "Coco" every now and then comes over to our fence line and taunts the dogs. Coco starts to whinny and the dogs go berserk. Normally I don't mind, but it started 4:30 this morning.
I couldn't get tickets to see Joe Biden yesterday. It was a packed arena.
Did you see on the news that cop who called Obama by his middle name? Mike Scott. Rebecca is friends with his wife. We were all shocked when he did what he did.
Today I'm going to make a nice breakfast and try and eat it. My appetite has dwindled to nothing. Even after I eat, I hurl. I have to get used to the Morphine.
As a joke, I started watching "The View". These lady's go crazy! Weird program.
Have a great day all! Peace and Love
Mark

Wednesday

Morning all! Boy, did I sleep! I guess I needed it. My nurse comes today and I'll find out why. To be honest, I know the cancer is growing. I can feel the left side of my face in more pain than I ever had before. My neck is stiff and my arms and legs are loosing feeling. My nerve endings feel like they are on fire. I'm taking more meds than ever before. It's only going to get worse, but I keep sitting in the Sun and walking my Dogs. Think positive! Never Give Up!
Peace and Love to all
Mark

Tuesday Night

Just a quick note to let you guys know that Mark has been sleeping all day (in between bouts of throwing up). His nurse comes tomorrow. I don't yet know what she will suggest to address these developments. He is taking so much pain medication and not eating well (not counting his GREAT weekend), so I think its a reaction to the strength of the meds. I'm going to sit with him and watch the debate. So he or I will update you tomorrow. Love and peace to all - NEVER GIVE UP!

Monday

Hi all! Sorry I'm so late today. Sara Palin was in my area today about 3 miles away. I went and protested. The place where she went in Naples (my town), the only "Joe Six Pack" you'll see will be cutting the lawn. The arena she filled in Fort Myers, the next city North, was filled with High School kids, who got extra credit for going. "Scoccer Mom's" were given signs and t-shirts to wear. All the kids went! Thousands! All to young to vote! What a sham!
Peace and Love
Very tired. More tomorrow.
Mark

Sunday Morning

Morning! Wow! What a great day yesterday! James (#1 son) came down with his new girlfriend and we all went to a Japanese Steak house. I had steak and scallops. The food was incredible. Add a few My-ties and I felt no pain until I woke this morning with a headache. A great time was had by all.
Craig's flight left this morning at 5AM. Will's leave at 5PM tonight. I fell very honored that they came down. Looking ahead.... I asked James for permission to marry his Mother again on our anniversary March 4 of next year! She said yes as did James. It's a long way away, but I have something to work towards!
Today I'm just going to take it easy and relax.
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Saturday

Hi all. A busy, beautiful morning for me. I decided to have an old fashion Jewish ceremony today. It is called a "Mikvah". It is the equivalent of a Baptism. Keep in mind, that John the Baptist was a Jewish Rabbi. With the help of many, we found the old text and held the ceremony this morning. I used my Spa as the pool. I was dunked 3 times and Jewish prayers read. My spiritual guides are my wife Rebecca and Lori Becker, the Chaplin, a true gem of a person. It was a very moving, very emotional and physical experience.
I thought of all of my friends on line. I truly feel blessed. My soul is cleansed and I feel reborn!
A special thanks to Nancy, Craig, Will, Lori and my good wife Rebecca! Will and Craig flew down from Michigan to attend. It just amazed me! I will always cherish this day. I also wish to send out a prayer to Dennis and Teresa, who could not attend due to an emergency in the family.
You all were and are with me in spirit, I thank you so very much!
Peace and Love Mark

TGIF

Morning! I went to my Doctor today. He said I was doing "fine" ... considering. I gained 10 pounds, thanks to the "munchies." I think he's worried about my increasing headaches. All in all, I get a passing grade this time.
It's weird going into the offices and seeing some of my old chemo friends. You say hello and wonder if this is the last time you'll see them. Some look good, some terrible. You lie and tell them how good they look. They know you lied, but they just smile back and say thanks.
The heat of the morning has worn me out. I have to lie down.
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Thursday Morning

I'm going to post for Mark today - he's not feeling up to snuff and asked that I do this for him today. I think, personally, he saving all his strenght to hiss and boo at the tv tonight in the VP debate. He wanted me to be sure and give kudos and great thanks to Nancy for coming over last night and helping me clean my deck and spa. I haven't had the energy or gumption to do it for so long it was an attrocious mess. So thanks, Nancy - we love you.
I am again fighting the system to try to get Mark a Lifeline connection that I have been told will be paid for by Medicaid. Now, everybody but Medicaid seems to know just what I am talking about - even the Lifeline people. However, I have talked to at least four different Medicaid reps and they all have their fingers up their noses and can't seem to figure out how to help me. Give me strength!!!! I'll let you all know how it turns out.
Our own personal touch with the economic meltdown: My son, who has worked very hard over the years to have stellar credit (810 score - not shabby), found a condo here in Florida to buy. It was a short sale (the bank had to agree to the sales price and to take a bit of a loss on the original loan), which they ultimately did. HOWEVER, during all the "crap" that has surfaced over the past two weeks, the requirement for him to buy the condo has gone from 5% down to 10% down to 20% down (all on a $60,000 loan), followed by "we won't make the loan at all - it's not you, it's Fannie Mae." Seems there is a previously little used provision for Fannie Mae underwriting that says that the criteria for determining if a loan will be made on a condo is "what a comparable unit IN THE SAME COMPLEX has sold for in the past 12 months." Anybody who hasn't had their head under a rock knows that nothing has sold down here (or anywhere else for that matter) for more than a year. So, they are refusing to loan at all because they don't have a comparable. That's all well and good - hooray for rules - but he was told about this three days before closing was scheduled. His furniture was in the moving van and he had already given notice at his rental. (Don't worry - he's not under a bridge somewhere - not that they care). He has been given some insight on a way to fight this, and he will, at significant expense to himself, be doing so, because if he can win the fight, he can help out a lot of condo owners here who will be sitting on assets worth absolutely nothing - not just the devaluation they thought they had experienced. I'll also let you all know how this turns out.
Okay - I'm done - have a great day. We are getting ready for a visit from our son from Michigan - a quick trip in over the weekend. Be blessed and NEVER GIVE UP!

Wednesday

This morning was"kill all spiders day." After heavy rains, spiders come in from outside. These spiders are about the same size as a VW! Rebecca hates them and I spent the early morning killing the creepy crawlers.
My nurse with hospice wants to put me on stronger pain meds. Liquid morphine. I'm against that. It would make me more of a sleeping vegetable than I am now. At this time, I would rather put up with some pain and be able to function more on my own. With the holidays starting soon I want to be able to enjoy them. Hopefully I will.
Peace and Love to all! Happy New Year to my fellow tribal members.
Mark

Tuesday

Morning all. Thank you all for caring so much about Rebecca. She is feeling better, thank you all.
Rebecca and I had a long talk and came to realize that we have few things left that can be taken away from us if the economy tanks. We feel bad for all the people who lost there 401K's yesterday. They should take Wall Street and tar and feather them all! To expect The hard working people to cover there butts is sickening.
I guess my mind is made up and I will vote for Obama. McCain keeps talking about "country first" and to pick someone like Sara Palin shows his true colors.
Peace and Love to all
Mark

Monday Morning

Good morning all. Rebecca is feeling better. Now if she can tell me how she changed all my settings and switched to MSN instead of Yahoo, I would appreciate it. OK honey?
It was nice seeing Steve yesterday. We fight all the time. He's a staunch Republican and I'm an Independent. I love him anyway.
We contacted a funeral home and we are taking care of final preparations. Rebecca has a hard time talking about it, but I need to now before I go further south in my pain, etc. It is not easy, but must be done while I still have all my faculties about me.
Have a great day everyone!
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Sunday

Morning all. Rebecca is sick. She hurled all morning and is pretty much out of it today. Time for me to take care of her! James is going to Egypt, so we got his dog Honey. Another Golden Retriever who loves to shed. Welcome!
My cousin Steve is coming over this afternoon. He's family, so Rebecca will tolerate him. I have had massive headaches and will do the same.
Nothing new to report. Just a nice slow Sunday Morning.
Peace be with you all. Mark

Saturday

Good morning! Today I have a favor to ask. I have a friend who writes here a lot named Craig.
Besides being my friend, he is also my Son-In-Law. His Dad Arthur just found out he has real bad lung cancer. He is in the hospital getting chemo on a 24/7 watch. It would do my heart good if you could direct your prayers to Art today. Thanks.
Paul Newman is gone today from cancer. Thanks Paul. You were great.
The above news knocked the wind out of me today. I am going to lie down and take it easy. Peace and Love Mark

TGIF

Morning all. I would have written earlier but I thought Pres. Bush would have something profound to say about the crisis. Once again, I was wrong. I hate to rant: but I lost my house, my stocks (Enron), my money.. due to cancer, and I'm supposed to PAY for some rich guy to get richer!???? I have been sucked dry, now they want to pick at my bones. How stupid we have all become!
Sorry. I am just outraged. Political games are like a soap opera.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Peace and Love Mark

Thursday

Morning! What nice blogs I had today! Thank you Alison, Travis and Carol!
Alison, please be careful! That Nor-Easter is coming your way! You're in my prayers!
It was a cool night, and we opened up the house and found the breeze a nice change after the hot summer. We are going into cooler nights soon.
My cousin Steve is coming for Thanksgiving. He and his wife Leah live in Miami. She is from Brazil and is an outrageous cook! Steve makes the best collard greens I ever had! So, Thanksgiving is something I am looking forward to.
Today I'm just going to chill out and stay mellow. I am listening to The Eagles as I write this.
Have a great day all! Much Peace and Love to all! Mark

Wednesday

Good morning all! I'm back and feeling about 70% today. Kevin, I'm sorry your not very happy in Spain! James will be there soon and the two of you will be off to Egypt. You are in our thoughts and prayers always!
I have been down on myself as of late. I shouldn't blame everything on myself. I must play the cards handed me and do the best I can with them! The one constant I have are my blogging friends. You all give me so much strength! Thank you so very much for that.
Today I have my nurse coming. Also my social worker. Rebecca is worried about me, but these things are going to happen. She just worries so!
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Tuesday Evening

Hi all. I came home tonight to find that Mark hasn't been out of bed today, and he hasn't eaten today. I think the depression is reaching a critical stage. I asked him if I should call the nurse, and he assures me that he will ok. The good news is, the nurse comes in tomorrow anyway for her weekly check. He's up now but only wants an Ensure - no food. I am truly worried but will have to take him at his word that he is coming around. I have asked him to have the nurse call me after she is here tomorrow. I want her take on this. My love and thanks to all of you. NEVER GIVE UP!

Good Morning All

I wanted to take a minute to send a shout out to Kevin in Spain. Hey, kidd0 - I'm sorry you've not been feeling well and that Spain isn't exactly the romantic destination we all imagine it to be. Brown, eh? Yuck. But, your side trips are enviable. Mark is touched, first that you read his blog, and second that you liked his quirky quote. Nope - there is no real definition of normal - it's a state of mind. So, before you cycle to fluff only, check your dryer setting. We love you. You are one special young man.

Mark's depression seems to be a little deeper because of the turn of events. I know, however, that he will pull out of it, because NEVER GIVE UP is not just a trendy slogan - it's his mantra. So everybody hang with us. We'll keep plugging along.

Love and Peace to you all!

Update....Monday

My blood tests came back and I was pulled off all programs. The Doctor did tell us the cancer may spread into my spinal column around my neck. I guess that had something to do with it. Very tired and upset. More later...
Peace and Love Mark

Late, Late Sunday Night

Ooops - I blew it. I turned off the Dolphin game too soon - they pulled off the miracle. Mark is cheering a Miami upset win over New England! Great day for Dolphin fans! Now, my Jets can do the same thing Monday night! NEVER GIVE UP!

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Mark is resting today. He has quite the headache and his Dolphins are losing big time. He wanted me to say hello for him and to tell all of you that he is ok, just taking it easy today. We treasure the comments you all make. He will up-date you during the week while things go on. Take care and remember we love you all. NEVER GIVE UP!

Saturday

Morning all! Carol, Travis, JC, Jen, Alison and Dennis! Thanks for your support! I will keep you informed as to the outcome. Rebecca is sleeping. She took one of my pills last night and is out cold! Lord knows she needs the sleep. I'm ready for Monday and know I'm not alone. You guys have been so great! It means alot to us. Today is football . I hope all will enjoy the weekend!
Peace and Love Mark

TGIF

Good morning all. I have been contacted to join a new study on chemo. No promises. There is a risk, but I am willing to take any. If it can help someone a year from now to beat this disease, I'm all for it! I'm going in cold and blind to the pitfalls, but I trust the people around me. My fear is gone. I'm ready to look straight ahead and put my faith in others. Either I or Rebecca will keep you informed. Peace and Love to all! Mark

Thursday

Morning all! Well, my neighbor is out on $5,000 bond, lowered from $35,000. We had a Bar-B-Q for him last night. It was one of these bring what you want to eat/drink things. About 20 people showed up and a good time was had by all! Carol, I spent a year in Arvada, I know how Colorado is with herb. Florida is still living in the 1800's. I will keep you informed of what happens.
A small rant: In Michigan, the Republican Party is putting together a list of everyone who's home went into foreclosure. WHY? That person will not be able to vote. The person no longer lives in that area! Unreal.
I feel pretty good today. A slight headache from last night, but I'm smiling.
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Wednesday

Morning everyone. A weird day. It's not even 9 AM and the cops just left! My neighbor, 65, got busted for growing marijuana in his home. It seems my name was on a list he had of his clients. So, the detectives wanted answers as to why my name was on the list. Da!!!! I told them to speak to my lawyer. The poor guy was just trying to make some money! He was selling only to cancer patients who needed it like me! If the government legalized pot and taxed it, the national debt would be paid in a week! So, today a bunch of us will bond him out. He's a good man trying to get buy in a lousy economy. Rebecca has a friend married to a good bondsman. I have to go down to the court in 1 hour to meet with him. At least my blood is moving today!
Have a blessed day! Peace and Love to all
Mark

Tuesday

Morning all! I'm feeling good today. Rebecca needs a good nights sleep, but she is doing OK. I had some breakfast this morning, bacon and eggs, which for me is a feast. I try and eat in the early mornings, because as the day goes on my appetite goes away. My headaches are about the same. When they come it is a jolt. They come fast and unexpectedly. Walking has become harder and so has typing. I have no feeling in my hands or legs. Many times I write with a pencil in either hand to hit the keys right. It takes longer, but gets the job done!
I promised Rebecca I would not watch any political coverage on TV. It upsets me too much. I'll watch the OJ trial. That's always good for a laugh. I have a bunch of books on audio CD's that I have been "reading" lately. I have 2 Robert Ludlum books. "The Janson Directive" and "The Hades Factor." That should keep me busy.
My best to everyone and I hope all have a blessed day!
Peace and Love
Mark

Monday

Good morning all! Hope you all had a good weekend.I keep getting these headaches that just shut me down. I try my best to fight them, but they are too strong.
Today is the start of the OJ Simpson trail. There are few people who I hate more than this guy. His smug arrogance is just infuriating. A man that murders, Dante says, goes to hell and is boiled in blood for all eternity. Have a nice trip OJ!
I guess I get myself involved in things that upset me. It is hard not to when you see the sky is falling and our candidates are talking about lipstick instead of anything important. It just shows how little they care about the common folk. Every 4 years they show concern, every 4 years they lie to us. I don't wish to rock the boat. I want to sink it.
My dog Harry is doing well. Unreal! This dog should be down by now and he is acting like a puppy. Thank the lord for giving him more time with me. I cherish each day!
Football is here! Denver looked incredible (and lucky), so did Buffalo of all teams! Colts pull one out and the Jets lost. Sorry Rebecca.
Have a blessed day! Peace and Love to all
Mark

Sunday Morning

Good Morning Everybody. Mark is having a down day today. I think he'll spend a lot of time in bed today. He says he is having "lightening bolt" headaches. So, I think staying quiet and just staying away from the political pundits on the talk shows would be a good idea. Right now, he's watching Ninja Warrior - much better choice. We were to have had a visit from cousin Steve today, but I nixed that, what with the episode from Thursday and the transition time for the new med regime. Next week will be better. We heard from our friend, Judy, who lives in the Houston area. She's fine. Her son's house will probably be without power for a while, but all in all, they came through IKE fine. Thank God. Everybody have a great rest of the weekend. We send peace and love to you all. NEVER GIVE UP!

Saturday

Good morning all! I'm feeling good today! Hi JC! Joan! Jen! Nice to hear from you! Rebecca is getting ready to go shopping with Nancy. Hopefully she will remember to bring me back a pastrami on rye with a big kosher pickle. One of the many things I miss about New York. The best food in the world! You name it, they got it.
Ohio vs USC tonight! I'm taking USC. My Mom called this morning. I told her I was sleeping and hung up. Thank goodness she knows less than McCain about computers.
My Brother told me he saw The Eagles in concert in New York. He said they were amazing. I guess I'm in a New York state of mind today. I'll put on some Billy Joel, light up the old bong and mellow out today.
I hope everyone has a blessed weekend!
Peace and Love!
Mark

TGIF

Hi all! It has been a rough few days for me. I try very hard not to think about my condition. Just live life! Every now and then, you get a wake up call. This wake up call wasn't pretty. It's like holding onto a wet rope. You try so very hard to climb up, but your hands keep slipping down. My poor Rebecca has to put up with all of this. I feel so bad for her.
Simply, I am starting to have seizures. The Hospice doubled my morphine intake each day and hopes that will slow it down. The pain is indescribable. The hard part is I have seen this with my friends who have passed. I know whats coming.
I make this pledge to all of you: I will NEVER give up! I have the responsibility of posting every day! That gives me the courage to wake every morning and get going!
If and when I become bed ridden, I will ask Rebecca to post for me. I promise, I will do all I can to keep you informed.
Please say a prayer for the people in Texas! This storm sounds bad.
Peace and Love to all!
Mark

Thursday Morning

Well, guys - last night was not a good one. We had to call in a nurse late last night, as Mark was having some minor seizure activity, and terrific breakthrough pain. He was lethargic and had not eaten all day. He also said he was nauseaed and had been throwing up. The nurse rearranged his meds a little, had him take a little bit higher dosage of the pain meds and had me sit up with him all night, so I could call again if there was any negative changes. He was offered, but declined, a trip to their facility for a 24-hour stay, so they could regulate the meds. All in all, that was a good decision to just stay home. He took medication at 11:00 p.m., and then slept all night. No more seizure signs. I waited this morning until the nurse came back, and we talked a little about possible alternatives to his being home all day alone. We'll have some decisions to make in the next couple of weeks. Stay with us, we need you. NEVER GIVE UP!

Wednesday

Good morning all! I'm feeling good today. Rebecca is doing better. No more watching Fox News for her! Yesterday she joined the Obama Team. Hopefully, it will get her mind off of me and let her vent on something else.
Heavy rains and wind today. There is a big lake in our backyard. We missed a bullet with Hurricane Ike. Thank the Lord.
Today I'm watching the OJ Simpson trial. I am hoping they give him LIFE! One of the few people I truly can't stand.
Have a good day all and please remember that Rebecca and I care deeply for each of you!
Peace and Love
Mark

Rebecca's Tuesday Night

I wanted to leave a little note to all of you faithful readers. I am sorry if my correspondence has been spotty at best with all those I love and hold dear. I read your insightful responses every day and get strength from all of them. This is an especially trying time for me (like it isn't for Mark???) and I am justing shutting down and closing in for a while. I know it probably isn't healthy but I also know that I'll come back out of it and I'll be ok. I treasure all of you and wanted you all to know it. Marie, Bev, Nancy, Allison, Carol, JT, Mike, Monica (I know I'm forgetting somebody important), and all. Keep checking in on us. It means the world. LOVE to you all. NEVER GIVE UP!

Tuesday

Morning all. My Mom, Rebecca and I are in the middle of a fight. Over what you may ask! Meds? Doctors? Chemo? No. My body!!!!
My Mother was the inspiration for the mother in "Everyone Loves Raymond". They did play it down. My Mom, lord love her, is a Black Hole. She can suck all the life force out of a room. Her look can break glass. A typically crazy New York City Jewish Woman. In my opinion, the greatest invention in 10 years is Caller ID.
She wants me buried. I wish to be cremated. So, we had to get a special Video/CD made with a Lawyer. My wife will take care of me. She is my life and whatever is easy and most covenant for her, is what I will do.
It is the pain and pressure that makes it hard for me to stay positive. Mom calls, I get sick. I have some decisions to make and there not going to be pretty.
Any helping ideas would be a blessing.
Peace and Love to all
Mark

Monday

Morning all. Well, Rebecca is happy, the Jets won. She has a football, when squeezed, sings the Jets fight song. As scary as that wall mounted fish singing. Here she is, in front of the TV, her butt in my face singing the fight song along with the football. I was very glad to see her happy.
It looks like Hurricane Ike will pass us too far in the Gulf Sea to worry us. We will get bands of rain and wind, but we will be safe. I believe it will hit somewhere between New Orleans and Houston. Pray for them please!
Tomorrow I have a Chaplin coming to talk to me. She comes on Tuesday's by my request. I have never been a religious man. To start now would be hypocritical and insulting. I do have questions that I need to ask. Not so much about the hereafter, but questions about coping with my last days, knowing what is coming. How to close my eyes and accept my fate. Every one's fate.
Have a blessed day!
Peace and Love to all!
Mark

Sunday

Hi all! I was just checking my 501K. Also known as the Florida Lotto. No luck.
Rebecca just left for lunch with #1 son James. I played sick. I'm not into "foo-foo" food. I like meat on a stick. Nothing fancy.
She's trying to do it fast to come home and watch the Jet game against Miami. She is a die-hard Jet fan. I won't ever go to a game with her. She wears the jersey's, makeup, hats, Jet stickers on her face and even has a big JETS sign on her back window. All good if you lived in New York! Embarrassing. At least she enjoys herself and lets her hair down for a while.
Have a blessed day everyone!
Peace and Love
Mark

Saturday

Morning everyone! Well, Hurricane Ike is closing in. A category 3 or 4. The good news is the graphics show the storm moving a bit more out into the Gulf, the bad news is we are on the East side of the storm. That means heavy rain, wind, floods and power outages. It will be passing us Monday night or early Tuesday morning. Welcome to Florida.
Rebecca is going to get her hair done today. Thank the Lord! I can watch the Miami vs Florida game in peace!
I hope everyone has a blessed weekend! Peace and Love to all! Mark

TGIF

Morning all! Tonight there is a program on at 8 PM EST called Stand Up To Cancer. I hope you all will watch.
It looks like Hurricane Ike is heading towards us. Hospice asked where do I want to go. I told them either Paris or the Greek Isles. I'm staying here with my Dogs and Cat. I get a kick out of watching these idiot news people in there rain slickers outside. Then you look behind them and see some locals walking down the street or surfing. It's so funny!
No more DNC or RNC! I hope everyone votes. Follow your hearts, not the spin and rhetoric.
Enjoy the weekend! Much peace and Love to all!
Mark

Thursday

Good morning all. I am so sick and tired hearing about cancer! To Craig and his Father: my heart and all my prayers are with you! Every time I start to feel a bit better, BOOM! I have lost all of my friends. People I went through chemo with, radiation with and chemo a second time with are gone. Now I'm in Hospice and it's like a replay. Same questions, same answers. I know where this is heading.... and I'm upset about it. Depressed.
I read a report my Doctor wrote to hospice a month ago. It said he felt I would not last another 2 weeks. That is when I decided to go off chemo and just live my life! I have gained 20 pounds and feel better than before. Why? I do not dwell on my cancer! I live my life and not think about tomorrow! Staying positive does work, along with my friends prayers.
I tried watching some of the RNC last night. It was so negative! Nothing, not one word on the economy! Just bash everyone and everything. 2 aspirins and drill baby drill!
The BEST was the Daily Show. Jon Stewart had on Newt Gringrich. Newt says that Sara Palins daughter choose to have the child. Jon said that if her mother was VP, that choice would have been taken away from her! Newt's mouth just opened wide and he said nothing! Ha!
Peace and Love to all! Mark

Wednesday Morning

I am writing today because Mark and I have received yet another "sucker punch to the stomach." We have learned that our son-in-law's father has been diagnosed with lung cancer. Our hearts are so sad. Craig's family is our family and our love pours out to them. It is too early yet to know his treatment options, but it itsn't too early for everybody to add them all to your prayer list. We love you all. Mark will write later in the week. He's awfully depressed today and he apologizes. Peace & Love!

Tuesday

Morning all! And to my right is my kiddie! Abbey. She is the Queen of the house and does not stand for any B/S from the dogs or us. She's a half Persian/ half Siamese cat that does not play well with others. She has one Brown eye and one Blue eye. She likes to be petted at exactly 3 AM and will wake you in case you're asleep. Sometimes we don't see her for days at a time. A very strange cat. She loves mayonnaise. Ha! I love her! As they say:

"Normal is only a setting on your drier."

Love to all

Peace Mark

Labor Day

Hi all - Mark is sleeping a little later this morning. He woke earlier, caught up on the news of both hurricanes and then went back to bed. He has a headache this morning and said he needed a little more sleep. We are thankful that Gustav is not what it could be. The suffering will not be as great for those people who have just begun to recover from Katrina. We have our eyes on Hanna - that looks to be a problem for us later one, albeit not a great one. Harry is doing wonderfully. He got a bath last night. That is is his least favorite thing in the world, but he "endured" it and got two cookies as a reward. He's soft and shiny. I think he actually enjoys it, but just doesn't want us to know. Dixie - the sweetie in the picture above - had her bath on Saturday. Next will be Pepper.

This beauty is Pepper. We have a kittie too, but geez - I don't give her bathes. That would be a really interesting chore. The pet counselor from Hospice sent us some pamphlets and a book in advance of her anticipated visit. All of the materials offer comfort in the process of deciding how we will handle what lies ahead. I think we are handling it all well so far. As Mark said in yesterday's blog entry, he's trying so hard to process the information and still keep a grip on all that we both have to face.

There obviously a great deal happening to us right now. We both feel sometimes like we are swirling around in a vortex that gets stronger with every spin. Only the prayers and support of our loving families and friends keep our head above water for now. I feel like I am getting crushed but I still try to stay focused on being strong for all of us. Hospice is helping a great deal and we made the right decision to bring them in.

Our love to all of you and our return prayers that you all have peace and experience the wonder of life every day, as we do. Please remember to NEVER GIVE UP! Rebecca

Sunday Morning

Morning all! This storm is going to be a bad one! We are starting to get the winds and rain from it. We are on the East side of it, which is the bad side, but it is farther out from us to keep everything OK, except for the heavy rains.
Rebecca is sleeping and I'm happy for that. She is so very tired! I'm feeling OK today. Thank you all for such beautiful posts! My dog Harry is the world to me and I will cope knowing he is in a better place and pain free. He will be cremated and his ashes will be mixed with mine when I go. Our ashes will be spread out into the Ocean at my favorite beach:
http://www.hawaiiweb.com/html/hanauma_bay_beach.html
Well, Rebecca will get a wonderful trip out of it!
Sometimes I feel like I'm holding onto a wet rope. I can feel myself slowly slipping and as hard as I wish to pull myself up, I keep loosing my grip. It is so very hard to stay positive. Every day is a new battle. Thank the Lord for you guys! You all give me so much strength!
Have a great weekend!
Love and Peace to all! Mark

Saturday

Good morning all! I would like all my friends out there to say a prayer for the people who are in Hurricane Gustav's path. This is going to be a bad one if it hits as a category 3 or 4. My prayers are with them.
I am now a member of Hospice. They have me on Oxygen to help me breath better and changed my meds to a stronger dose, Morphine and Oxycontin. I feel like a Zombie, although Pink Floyd and The Grateful Dead never sounded so good! I hope doing this takes some pressure off of Rebecca. She is so very tired and I worry about her every day!
My dog Harry is hanging in there. We are preparing for the worst and when that day comes, it will be quick and painless. I love him so much. He knows all my secrets and never, ever told anyone! My very best friend.
A quick rant: I am shocked at McCain's VP pick. How incredibly condescending to woman! A woman who knows nothing about foreign policy and off the charts in Right Wing beliefs. Lord help us! This woman would be one heartbeat away from the Presidency!
May all have a wonderful weekend!
Love and Peace! Mark

Thursday Night

What an emotional, draining two days it has been. Yesterday was Mark's follow-up with the doctor. Dr. Moskowitz is pleased with the slight weight gain from eating solid foods, but isn't happy with the neuropathy in the legs and hands, or the "draining" in the nasal cavity mixed with blood. He also isn't happy with the increasing frequency of the headaches and the eye problems. He prescribed a couple more medications - poor Mark, he has so many pills to take, it's overwhelming - and he says he'll see us in October. In the meantime, he encouraged us to call in Hospice, which we did. Over yesterday and today, we have had two nurses, two supply deliveries, and a medication drop. Hospice tends to swarm in to get you comfortable with them and so they can see just what you need. Tomorrow, Mark's "regular" nurse will come to get baseline vitals and help him with the equipment that was delivered. And, believe it or not, they have a counselor on staff who will come to help us with grief counseling when the time comes with Harry. This is a marvelous organization. We'll keep everybody up-dated. I know we made the right decision, because neither of us WILL EVER GIVE UP!

This is Harry. Harry has been a part of our family for seven years now. He is, as best we can tell, about nine years old. Before he came to us, Harry had been starved and physically abused. The day we brought him home, he ate a mountain of food and he really hasn't stopped since then. He is the most loving creature. He isn't always the brightest bulb in the pack - he has gone missing three times over the years. We think that he gets out of sight of the house and just really isn't sure how to find "home." He always seems to walk in a straight line until he runs into somebody who rescues him and brings him back. He has angels that circle around him and protect him. Four years ago, he was diagnosed with epilipsy and since Christmas, 2005, he has been seizure-free because of wonderful vets. He takes medications twice a day which, oddly enough, increase his appetite. Last August, Harry became very, very sick. He was diagnosed with lymphoma, a form of cancer that attacks the lymph nodes and and his tumor, when finally discovered hidding in his spleen, weighed 10.7 pounds. It was the largest tumor the vet had ever seen. He said it was a miracle Harry had survived such a cancerous attack. He told us that the cancer would reappear, but that he couldn't predict how quickly.

Last night, I discovered "the" tumor. It has formed in the lymph nodes on his neck and in his cheek. It has grown very, very rapidly. The vet told us this morning that it is inoperable. He told us to take Harry home, to love him and comfort him, and when his breathing becomes labored, we are to bring him in. We must now prepare to say goodbye. Mark and I have had a very emotional conversation about this and we both know we don't want Harry to suffer any pain, so as hard as this will be, we will gently ease him into Heaven. I talked to Harry and he has promised me he will wait by the gate for Mark and I and he will be with us forever. Please pray for our little family. We love you all!